Fighting Our Way Through The Darkness: The Breaking Point
by DocMcRegals
Summary: AU Canon divergent; the second installment of the Fighting Our Way Through the Darkness series. Join Carson, Ryan, Addison, Derek, and company as they navigate through life following the hospital shooting. Some Private Practice references; minor character deaths. MerDer with eventual Addek endgame.
1. Chapter 1

Los Angeles-3 Months Later

Addison Montgomery stood in the middle of her now empty beach house and sighed. She glanced back when she heard the sound of footsteps coming into her living room.

"That's the last of it, "Mark said as he stood next to her in silence.

"You sure this is what you wanna do Addison?" he asked as she looked around at the place that had been home to her for the last 5 and a half years.

"I can't stay here anymore Mark, not after, after what happened," she said in a shaky breath.

Mark didn't argue, he simply reached out to grab her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Naomi's pissed," he said quietly.

"She'll get over it, she always does," Addison said, still glancing out at the ocean from the sliding glass door.

"What about Amelia?" Mark asked.

"Said she doesn't fit in with anyone here," Addison replied as she absently walked through the sliding doors and onto the deck.

The air was cool as it floated around her shoulders; she said nothing as she glanced out at the vast strip of land and ocean. This would be the thing she missed the most about her home, the peaceful view of the beach.

"If I could bottle this up and take it with me, I would," She said, knowing that Mark had come to stand beside her on the deck.

"I agree; I still can't believe you're giving up this view Addie," he muttered as Addison sighed.

"Mark, you know I can't stay here, not anymore, the shooting it, it changed me," she said.

"It changed us all; I still can't believe it happened," Mark said as Addison hummed in agreement.

oOo

They both turned at the sound of the sliding glass door opening. Carson stood cautiously in the doorway. She looked different, older, more tired as she stood there in her father's oversized Columbia hoodie and a pair of Black yoga pants.

"Hey kiddo, you okay?" Mark stretched out an arm as Carson moved towards him, wrapping herself in his embrace.

"I don't know if I'll ever be okay, not after-" Carson began though the words came out in a choked sob as Addison moved to her other side, gently stroking her back.

"It's over honey, it's over, I promise; that's why we're moving," Addison soothed as Carson looked up at her with eyes that reminded her of Derek.

"When's it gonna stop hurting?" Carson whispered, causing Addison's throat to tighten.

"I, I don't know honey; someday it will. Not right now, but some day, it will," Addison said as Mark reached over to give her hand a squeeze.

"She's right little Red; it's not gonna hurt forever. I know you miss him, I know your mom does too but-"

"It's not fair Uncle Mark! It's just not fair!" Carson sobbed, turning her body towards his as Mark cradled her against his chest.

The sight became too much for Addison as she quickly pulled away and hurriedly made her way down the steps of the deck and out towards the ocean. Carson looked up as she saw her mother walking away.

"I didn't mean to upset her," Carson said as she looked up at Mark.

"You didn't, Addison just needs time to grieve, and Montgomery's-"

"Grieve in private, I know. Y'know, none of them showed up at the funeral? I mean, I didn't expect Bizzy to show, not even The Captain, but at least I thought Uncle Archer would come," Carson said, letting out a bitter sigh.

"You know your grandparents and your uncle kid," Mark sighed, still holding her close as she allowed herself to breathe in his scent.

"I'm glad you're alive Uncle Mark because I don't know what I would've done if-"

"Shh, don't think about it, kid. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere, I promise," Mark murmured as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Don't make promises you can't keep; he never expected to die but-" Carson said as Mark lovingly ran a hand through her hair.

"Let's not think about it; remember what Dr. Wyatt said. When you start to think about it-"

"But that's just it Uncle Mark I can't not think about what happened! All of those people, Reed, Percy, Alex, my dad, Kevin, Meredith and the baby…that was me," Carson whispered; Mark hated seeing his goddaughter/niece in such pain.

"Carley, listen to me; what happened was not your fault. You know that you didn't make Gary Clarke walk into Seattle Grace and start shooting people," Mark said as he gently placed his hands on her shoulders.

"But, but I saw him; I saw him and, it was like time stopped. He walked past me and I knew, I knew what he'd come there to do," Carson whispered as fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

"You knew and you did the right thing by telling your father. Sweetheart, the shooting wasn't your fault. You're having survivor's guilt, but this wasn't your fault and I don't ever wanna hear you blame yourself for this ever again, do you hear me?" Mark was trying not to be so forceful because the last thing she or anyone else needed was someone to force them. But he couldn't help it; he needed her to stop blaming herself for what happened.

"I need to hear you say it, honey, it wasn't your fault," He said, pulling back to look directly into her eyes.

"Carson, I need to hear you say-"

"Me saying won't change the way I feel Uncle Mark," Carson said bitterly as she pulled away from him. Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at Carson. This shooting affected her more than she was letting on.

"No matter how you feel, I'm not gonna let you take the blame for some asshole idiot deciding to open fire on the hospital. Now, unless you're solely responsible for his wife's death or you held a gun to his head and made him start shooting people, then what happened isn't your fault," Mark said as he watched Carson; her body remained stiff as she stood there looking out at the ocean.

"Ryan's next door with Naomi, Sam, and Amelia; I'm gonna go check on your mother. We'll be ready to leave soon. I love you, kid," Mark said as he walked over to Carson and pressed a kiss to her hair. She remained quiet, her arms still protectively wrapped around her body as she rigidly continued to stare at the water.

Seattle-3 Months Prior

 _There is a shooter on the loose in Seattle Grace Hospital, in Derek's hospital._

 _Carson is standing beside him, ashen white as she whispers that she'd seen him on her way to his office. April Kepner is standing there visibly shaken and in a state of shock, covered in Reed Adamson's blood. Reed Adamson is dead, and there's no telling who else is dead. Derek's mind immediately races to Meredith, his wife, his pregnant wife who is somewhere in the hospital with a crazed shooter on the loose. He also thinks of his other wife, correction, ex-wife, Addison. Addison, the mother of his children is somewhere in the hospital while a crazed gunman is on the loose. He also briefly thinks about Mark, Lexie, Alex, Izzie, Callie Torres, Bailey, Owen, Cristina. These are all people he loves and cares about deeply who are somewhere in the hospital while there is a crazed shooter on the loose._

" _Daddy," Carson's voice startles Derek out of his revere._

" _Daddy, I think, I think Kevin may try and go after him," Oh, right, there's also Addison's boyfriend Kevin, the trained SWAT cop whom Addison is in love with and plans to marry. He's trapped here too._

 _Wait, Kevin is a trained SWAT cop Derek thinks to himself._

" _Carson, do you have Kevin's cellphone number?" Derek asks as Carson nods mutely._

" _You need to call him and have him call our SWAT team," he says to her as he makes his way out of his office._

" _Dad, daddy!" Carson is rushing out into the hallway behind him._

" _Carson, go back," Derek tells her but she refuses. Oh, his stubborn redheaded child refuses._

" _No, dad, I'm not leaving you!" And suddenly, she reminds him of Addison; the woman never could listen._

" _Carson, I need you to stay with Ryan, he shouldn't be alone," Derek tries reasoning with his eldest daughter who shakes her head._

" _And you shouldn't be alone either, Gary Clarke is in the hospital and wants to-" Carson is damn near screaming and Derek doesn't want to send his hospital into a panic by having his 16-year-old daughter screaming that there's a gunman on the loose. He quickly turns towards her and places a hand over her mouth._

" _I need you to listen to me; you need to go back into my office with your brother, you need to call Kevin and have him call Seattle's SWAT team. I need to find Meredith and your mother," Derek tells her before shoving her back into his office amidst her protests._

" _Keep her in April, don't let either one of them out of your sight," Derek says to the shaking young resident_

" _You're, you're leaving me here?" He'd thankfully found a pair of clean scrubs for her to put on in the midst of the chaos._

" _I need to find Meredith and Addison and figure out what's going on. I need someone to look after my children, can you do that for me April?" Derek is oh so tenderly wiping away the remaining traces of Reed's blood from her forehead as she simply nods in return._

 _oOoOo_

 _Cristina Yang steps into the elevator with a sigh, just as the doors close and she rests her head against the elevator paneling, a man interrupts her thoughts._

" _Excuse me, could you tell me where to find the chief?" The man beside her is wearing a stoic expression on his face. He seems…something is off about him Cristina can tell, though he's not hurt or in need of surgery so…not her problem._

" _Dr. Shepherd? He's uh, probably in his office," Cristina is distracted as she talks, her mind much too focused on the Owen and Teddy drama._

" _Yeah I've been there before; I can't seem to remember how to get there. I keep going in circles," the man, Cristina will later learn to be Gary Clarke, remains focused, his eyes looking straight ahead as he waits for her to answer his question._

" _It's it's in the East Wing, that's over by labs across the catwalk," Cristina tells him and finally, he glances at her, his interest piqued._

" _I'm sorry…"_

" _You just gotta cross through the patient floor on 3 and then follow the signs to the main lobby and then you should find it no problem," Cristina further explains._

" _Thank You," He tells her before finally turning his attention forward again._

 _Cristina murmurs a response as the ride becomes silent again, Cristina caught up in her own thoughts, Gary Clarke caught up in his own. The elevator dings, signaling that it's time for one of them to exit. He easily strolls out of the elevator, but not before turning to Cristina one final time._

" _Have a nice day," he tells her, a calm expression on his face as Cristina politely smiles in return._

" _You too," she parrots back._

 _oOoOo_

 _Carson is furious as she paces back and forth in her father's office. Apparently, April Kepner is no longer in shock, as she's blocking the door and refusing to let her leave. Ryan has lost interest in his game of tossing balled up paper into the plastic basketball goal on the wall and is asking quiet questions as to what's happening, where their mother is, why April is covered in blood. He's scared but he's trying not to be; 10-year-old boys don't get scared._

" _Not now, Ryan, I have to try and get a hold of Kevin," Carson is still pacing as she waits and waits for Kevin to pick up. It takes five rings before he responds._

" _Kevin! Thank God you're alright; listen, I found my dad and he wants you to call Seattle's SWAT team or the police since you're a cop. Yeah, can you do that? And while you're at it, can you find my mom? My dad said he'd find her but he's much more interested in finding Meredith because she's pregnant and-"_

" _Meredith's pregnant?" April Kepner's eyes widen at this newfound piece of information as do Ryan's._

" _Dad's having another baby?" Ryan had always secretly hoped that his parents would get back together, this news seems to put a huge damper on his hope. Carson silently curses herself for letting that secret slip. Well, there goes any trust Meredith had in me, she thinks to herself._

" _Yeah, and Kevin? Don't do anything stupid okay, because my mom really loves you and I, I care about you too, me and Ryan. So don't be stupid and die okay? Bye," Carson lets out the shaky breath she'd been holding since her father left._

 _Now, she had to call him and let him know that their plan was in motion._

" _Come on daddy, pick up, pick up…"_

 _oOoOo_

 _Derek is in the conference room on the phone with the head of security. Thank God for his ex-wife's boyfriend having ties to the Seattle P.D._

" _The police are on their way, what's the procedure? You're the head of hospital security, how do you not know? I know it's never happened before; no, I found it. Lockdown; nobody moves in or out. Yeah, nobody moves, nobody breathes until we know what's going on," Derek hangs up the phone and turns to face Kevin who's leaning against the conference table._

" _Whoa, where the hell do you think you're going? You just said nobody move, nobody breathes," Kevin is also heading for the door to stop Derek who looks him square in the eye._

" _Nobody moves but me, this is my hospital," Derek tells him._

 _"Derek-"_

" _If Carson's right, then that man…Meredith is out there, Addison is out there…"Derek's eyes are fearful, though he tries to put on a brave front._

" _You let me find Meredith and Addison; I'll make sure they're both safe. This is my job Derek, it's what I'm trained to do. I deal with this kind of thing every day," Kevin says, causing Derek to sigh._

" _At least-"Kevin places a hand on Derek's shoulder as a private mutual respect flows throughout the room._

" _No, what you can do is go be with your children, they need you right now because Carson sounded scared shitless on the phone," Derek sighs as they both part ways, Derek heading back to his children, Kevin to find Meredith and Addison._

 _oOoOo_

 _Addison Forbes Montgomery is in her zone, she is so in her zone. She's elbows deep into a woman's uterus with Naomi by her side._

" _See, don't you miss it, being in the OR?" Addison teases to her best friend who rolls her eyes._

" _I still see an OR, I'm just not a surgery junkie like you," Naomi diplomatically replies as someone walks into their scrub room, whispering something a nurse which changes the atmosphere of the room._

" _What's going on?" Addison asks; she doesn't stop her surgery but she does glance up at the nurse._

" _We've just been put on lockdown," The nurse informs Addison who rolls her eyes._

" _You've got to be kidding me," The redhead mutters just as everyone's pagers begin going off._

" _Okay, it looks like we are on lockdown," Addison says with a sigh as she continues with her surgery. However, things just continue to get awkward when her boyfriend buzzes in on her surgery._

" _Kevin? What the hell are you-"_

" _You need to shut this surgery down Addison," Kevin is looking down on her and, okay now, she's really confused._

" _Kevin, what's, first of all, how the hell did you get down here?"_

" _I told Derek I'd find you and Meredith," Kevin tells her as both she and Naomi glance at one another._

" _Kevin, what's-"_

" _Addison, please don't argue with me, shut the surgery down, do whatever you have to do, but you and those doctors have to evacuate this OR right now," There's something about the tone of Kevin's voice that unnerves her._

" _The rest of the procedure is simple, you remember what to do?" Addison turns to face Naomi who nods._

" _Go, figure out what the hell is going on; if I need you, you'll be right up there in the gallery," Naomi says with a smile as Addison nods before exiting the scrub room._

 _oOoOo_

" _Kevin, what the hell is going on?" Addison makes her way to the gallery and makes sure to mute the speaker._

" _Addison, there's a shooter on the loose, a man named Gary Clarke and he's after Derek," Addison shakes her head, scoffing in disbelief until she notices that Kevin isn't laughing._

" _Kevin, Kevin, you're, you're serious? Oh my God where's Derek? Where are Carson and Ryan?" Addison is starting to panic but Kevin carefully grabs her arm and looks her in the eyes._

" _Is your patient stable?" he asks. She carefully presses the intercom button down to the OR._

" _Naomi, how's the patient doing? Is she stable?"_

" _Yeah, she's stable, why?"_

" _Is she stable enough to close?" Addison asks as Naomi looks up at her worriedly._

" _She's still-"_

" _That's not what I asked; I said is she stable enough to close?" Addison's voice is sharp, firm this time when Naomi replies._

" _Yeah, she's stable,"_

" _Good; pack her and then send her to recovery. After that, everyone is to remain on the OB floor until further notice," Addison then turns her attention back to Kevin._

" _Kevin-"_

" _You need to be with Derek and your kids, I'm gonna try and find Meredith," Kevin tells her before taking her hand and leading her away from the OR._

" _Wait, Mark too; you have to find Mark too. He's, he's my family too, I know how that sounds but, he's Derek's best friend and he's my children's godfather and-"_

" _He's family; I'll find him too…anyone else I should be looking for?"_

" _Uh, Meredith's got a younger sister named Lexie and, my friend Callie, she's up on peds I think,"_

" _I heard someone say that the peds floor is closed off, she should be fine," Addison nods, letting out a shaky breath._

" _But Mark-"_

" _I'll do my best to find Mark, Meredith, and-"_

" _Lexie, Meredith's sister's name is Lexie. I may not like Meredith or Lexie but-"_

" _They're important to Derek," Kevin says with an understanding smile as Addison pulls him into a passionate kiss._

" _I love you I just…I need you to know how much I love you, okay?" Addison is doing her best not to cry but there's a crazed shooter on the loose in search of her ex-husband._

" _Hey, I get it, and I love you too. I know this is bad timing but, if we get out of here alive-"_

" _When, when we get out of here alive," Addison corrects him._

"Right. _When we get out of here alive, let's take a vacation huh? You, me, the kids? Maybe while we're there we can even get-"_

" _Yes, yes," She tells him, pressing one final desperate kiss to his lips as they part ways._

Los Angeles

Addison stood silently and watched as the waves crashed against one another. As Mark watched her, she seemed to be an exact replica of how he'd left her daughter just moments before. The closer he got the clearer it became to him that she was crying, idly toying with the diamond necklace that now hung around her neck.

"Carson thinks she upset you," Mark called out over the crashing waves as Addison glanced back at him.

"She didn't; I just…seeing how upset she was, I can't cry, not around her," Addison shook her head as Mark moved to stand beside her.

"I tried telling her that too, but she's so…she blames herself, Addison," Mark couldn't get over the fact that Carson held herself solely responsible for what happened during the shooting.

"Dr. Wyatt and Kathleen both said that she'd be dealing with a serious amount of survivor's guilt. I mean, she watched Derek get shot and Kevin…that was a scary time for her Mark," Addison reminded him.

"How are you holding up? I know this couldn't have been easy for you," Mark remained standing beside her as he wrapped his arm around her shaking frame.

"What do you expect Mark? Two men that I loved got shot on the same day, but one of them didn't make it. The shooting alone is a life changing experience, but to add on the fact that one of them died is still something I'm working on dealing with," she said as Mark pulled her into a hug.

"Did you love him Red?" Mark asked as she looked up at him, her eyes a sea full of pain.

"I did, it may not have been that hard hitting love but, deep down, I loved him, I loved them both. I just hate that I was almost forced to choose who to save and who to watch die. I needed them both here, I needed them both," Addison's words came out in a choked sob as Mark gently swayed them back and forth.

"I hate that you were caught in the middle of that Addie, but none of it-"

"I needed them both Mark, I needed them both! I couldn't my life is a mess without him. I was finally happy y'know. I had my ex-husband and my boyfriend and I was happy, everyone was happy. Everything was fine but that goddamn Gary Clarke! Damn him! Damn him for ruining everything! Damn him for shooting them both! Goddamn him!" Addison sobbed, nearly collapsing into a pitiful heap against Mark's chest. He cradled her gently as he led them to the ground.

He didn't say much or voice his opinion out loud, but he was silently (and guiltily) thankful that his best friend had been the one to survive.

 _Chapter 2 to follow…_

 **Hello, my lovelies!**

 **Welcome to the second installment of the Fighting Our Way series. Yes, Kevin is dead, but his fate is the first of many that will be revealed in these first few chapters. Nobody is safe but Addison, Mark, Carson, and Ryan. Everyone else's fate is still up in the air at this point. But yes, Kevin is the first casualty, aside from Reed Adamson. Keep reading and leaving reviews for me, it helps speed up the writing process!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so glad you're all enjoying this story! Please continue to follow, favorite, and review. This story will probably be short; the big stuff won't happen until the final installment. I'm curious, though, would you guys like to see this written as individual short stories or as one huge story? Let me know when you leave a review! Also, I want to point out that everything that happened during the shooting remains the same, so that means any characters that I don't touch on like Bailey, Owen, and Teddy, Callie, and Arizona, their stories are virtually untouched.**

* * *

Seattle-3 Months Ago

 _Meredith is still in good spirits as she walks through the double doors of an 'authorized personnel only' section of the hospital. She finds her best friend sitting on a gurney eating and doing paperwork._

" _Hey, did you get that page? Lockdown?" Meredith says to Cristina, whose face twists into a scowl of sorts as she chews._

" _Yeah, I mean, whatever; it means we can't leave. I never leave anyway so what do I care?" Cristina says as Meredith chuckles._

" _You know, it's probably just a drill, or like a psych patient got out or a baby went missing from the nursery. Or there's um, there's an ax murderer on the loose!" Cristina says sarcastically before taking a bite out of her muffin._

" _Ax murderer would be fun!" Meredith agrees before plopping down next to her friend._

" _So…how did he react? I mean was his world made whole because your womb is not empty and dry? Did he weep like a bitch baby?" She asks as Meredith rolls her eyes._

" _We didn't really talk about it much this morning because he was in a mood. He did manage to tell Addison though," Meredith gives Cristina a look._

" _He told Addison?"_

" _Yeah, I mean I shouldn't be surprised that she knows; this kid is her kids' half-sibling and all,"_

" _Do you think he'll ask her to-"_

" _No! God no! I don't even think she'd volunteer to do that…would she?"_

" _You slept with her husband at the hospital prom and left your panties in his coat pocket," Cristina reminds her._

" _I don't even think he's told Mark yet. Why hasn't he told Mark or the Richard or, anyone? I feel like my head's gonna pop off because we haven't really told anybody besides Addison and Carson, who found out because she was eavesdropping. This is good news, people should know, right?" Meredith asks as Cristina nods._

" _Y'know what? I'm telling someone; it isn't fair that he gets to tell people and I don't,"_

" _You told me,"_

" _You're my person, you know everything about me. I wanna tell other people; maybe I'll tell Lexie!" Meredith suggests as she stands up._

" _Gotcha-" Agrees as she stands, shifting her caseloads in one arm._

" _Wha-"_

" _Well I'm coming; there could possibly be bitch baby tears! I wanna see the bitch baby tears!" Cristina argues._

" _Cristina-"_

" _I'll just stand in the hallway, she'll never know I'm there," She whines as Meredith looks to her for a real answer._

" _I um, I-I broke up with Owen, okay?" Cristina quietly admits._

" _Oh, okay come on," Meredith gives Cristina a sympathetic smile as she wraps an arm around hers as they leave the hallway._

 _oOoOo_

 _Addison's heart is beating out of her chest as she rushes down the hallway. She's never heard the hospital this quiet before, ever. Not even when she worked the night shift; it's an eerie silence. Her mind is in five million places as she continues to walk, barely colliding with the gurney carrying her patient._

" _Addison, Addison, what's going on?" Naomi lingers behind as the surgical team moves past them into the waiting recovery area._

" _Nae, something's wrong and I need to tell you but you have to promise me that you won't freak out," Addison glances around to make sure no one is in the hallway._

" _Okay, what's-"_

" _There's a shooter on the loose, and he's looking for Derek," Addison's voice is tense and in an almost hushed whisper._

" _What-"_

" _Apparently, a man named Gary Clarke came into the hospital with his wife who Derek declared brain dead. He's been in the process of suing the hospital for her death. He somehow managed to walk in here and kill a resident. Now he's looking for Derek. Carson, Ryan, and Kevin spotted him earlier and Kevin said he looked like he had a gun. Carson told Derek, Kevin called Seattle's SWAT team; that's why the hospital is on lockdown," Addison explains._

" _Is that why Kevin wanted us to shut down the surgery?" Naomi asks._

" _Yeah, he's gonna go find Meredith, Mark, and Lexie; I'm gonna go be with Carson and Ryan,"_

" _I'm coming with you," Naomi says, just as they hear shots being fired in the distance._

" _I have to find Derek," Addison's voice is laced with fear as tears well up in her eyes before she and Naomi make a mad dash towards the elevators, which seem to be stuck._

" _What the hell is going on with the damn elevators?!" Addison is banging against the doors as Naomi places a hand on her shoulder._

" _Maybe Derek had them cut off the elevators. We'll take the stairs, okay?" Addison nods as they make their way towards the closest staircase._

 _oOoOo_

 _The third floor is in utter chaos; people are screaming and running for their lives. A crazy man just shot one of the nurses. Mark has Lexie pinned to the ground, though he can hear a distinctly familiar voice telling people to get down on the ground and to stay calm. He looks around in the midst of the commotion and sees Kevin, Addison's boyfriend._

" _Mark!" Instantly, he races towards him, cradling Lexie from the sights of what's happening._

" _Kevin, what's-"_

" _There's a crazed gunman on the loose," Kevin is out of breath as he talks; a SWAT team is running in behind him, doing their best to assess the situation._

" _No, really!?" Mark says sarcastically._

" _Listen, I told Addison I'd find you and Lexie and Meredith," However, Lexie's eyes are trained on the now open elevator._

" _Lex, what's-" Mark follows her line of sight; inside the elevator is an unconscious Alex Karev, covered in blood._

" _Mark-" Lexie has already made a move towards Alex and doesn't seem like she'd be willing to leave him._

" _I can't Kevin, this guy is one of Addison's former interns. She taught him everything he knows," Kevin sighs heavily as he glances back at the young Blonde he presumes is Lexie._

" _I told Addison-"_

" _I know Addison, and right now Addison would want us to save Karev. Just, make sure she's safe, okay? Let her know we're fine, just make sure she and-"_

" _I already did; I sent her to be with Carson and Ryan in Derek's office," Mark nods as he turns his attention to Alex as Kevin hurries off in search of the gunman._

 _oOoOo_

" _That's it, I'm tired of waiting," Carson says as she tries to push past April._

" _Wh-where are you going? I told your father that-"_

" _I don't care what you told my father! My mother is somewhere in this hospital while Gary Clarke is out there looking for my dad! So either move out of the way or I'll make you move!" Carson gives April a challenging look before the young resident steps aside._

" _Carson, wait I'm coming with you!" Ryan is jumping out of his seat to follow his sister._

" _No, Ry you're not coming," Carson tells him as Ryan shoves her._

" _You don't get to tell me what to do right now, not when mom, dad, Uncle Mark, Kevin, and everyone else I love could be out there dying! If you're going to find mom, I'm coming too!" Ryan and Carson are in a standoff as April watches helplessly._

" _Ryan, why don't you and I go look for your mother while Carson tries to find your dad?" Her voice is shaking when she makes the suggestion, but it gets both children looking at her._

" _Are you insane!? Did you not-"_

" _Carson, shut up! You're not the adult in charge here, I am and I said that I'm taking Ryan to look for your mother while you go look for Chief Shepherd," April's voice is surprisingly stern, causing both children to raise their eyebrows at her, but they eventually relent._

" _The minute it gets dangerous-" Carson warns._

" _I'm not actually taking him to find your mom, we're gonna go hide in a supply closet. I heard you say that guy was looking for your dad, and if I were a crazed shooter, the first place I'd look is in this office," April murmurs._

" _Oh…well, alright then. Please keep him safe," Carson whispers as April nods._

" _If things get dangerous-"_

" _I'll be safe, I promise," Carson whispers before hugging her brother._

" _I love you Ry," Ryan's arms snake around his sister's waist as he squeezes her back before they go their separate ways._

 _Chapter 3 to follow…_


	3. Chapter 3

**So I almost turned this into a 5,000+ chapter but I decided to break it down into smaller chapters. Again, if you'd rather see this as one full story or as individual stories, let me know when you review. We'll be doing flashbacks until maybe chapter 5 or so before we get back into the present and see how Carson and Addison are dealing with everything. I may include a bit of Ryan's POV as well, but I'm not sure if you guys would like to see how he's handling everything. You can let me know if you want to see more or less of Ryan's POV as well.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Xx**

* * *

" _Do you wanna talk about it?" Meredith asks as she and Cristina climb the stairs that lead to Derek's office._

" _No," Cristina sighs_

" _Owen, I mean,"_

" _I know what you mean I don't want to, I can't I just…he doesn't know who he loves and if it's not me then I don't wanna talk about it. Let's talk about something else," Cristina's voice carries sadness and a feeling of frustration as they round another set of steps._

" _Okay, you realize you're about to be a godmother," Meredith grins, watching her friend's expression change from sadness to excitement._

" _I'm godmother? Okay what do I have to do, like talk god to the fetus cause I'm not gonna do that,"_

" _It means you take care of the kid if I die," Meredith explains as Cristina turns to face her_

" _Derek takes care of the kid if you die," Cristina corrects._

" _If we die, if we die,"_

" _Okay so if you and Derek are in a plane crash and you die, the kid is mine?" Cristina is almost wearing a look of glee in her eyes as Meredith grins, happy to see her best friend in a better mood._

" _Yes," Just before Cristina responds they bump into Carson, who looks completely frazzled._

" _Carson?" Meredith questions._

" _What the hell are you doing walking around, don't you know the hospital's on-" Cristina questions._

" _Lockdown? I should be asking you two the same thing," Carson sasses, though Meredith is still looking at her._

" _Carson, do you know what's going on, why the hospital's on lockdown I mean?" She tilts her head to the side as she awaits the young girl's answer._

 _Carson is torn; she really needs to find her father, but she also needs to keep this baby safe. after all, it is her future little brother or sister. She glances between Meredith and Cristina's awaiting gazes, though she before she responds, she breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of Kevin._

" _Kevin!"_

" _Carson, what the hell are you doing out of your dad's office?" Carson pushes past Cristina to wrap her arms around him._

" _Where's my mom, did you find her?" Carson asks as Kevin's eyes meet Meredith's._

" _Kevin Nelson, I'm Addison's boyfriend," Meredith calmly makes her way towards him, shaking his hand while giving him the once over._

" _Meredith Grey, Derek's-"_

" _Ah, so you're Meredith; you're a very hard woman to track down Meredith Grey," Kevin says as she tilts her head to the side._

" _Why were you looking for me? And why are you wandering the halls of Seattle Grace? Carson, what's going on?" Meredith asks once more as Carson sighs._

" _The hospital's on lockdown because…Gary Clarke is here and he's looking for my dad. He wants to kill him," Carson whispers._

" _Who?" Meredith and Cristina glance at one another, completely confused._

" _Gary Clarke, he's the guy who's trying to sue the hospital because his wife died, even though she was declared brain dead,"_

" _Carson, are you sure-"_

" _Meredith, it's true! I saw him earlier; he shot Reed and-"_

" _Wait, Reed Adamson is dead?" Meredith's eyes widen with shock, she may not have liked the girl very much, but she didn't deserve to die._

" _Yeah; April found her and when she told us what happened, I knew it was Gary Clarke," Carson is in tears at this point._

" _Where's Derek now?" Meredith asks, a sinking feeling hitting the pit of her stomach._

" _I don't know; I haven't seen him since he left his office," Carson says as Kevin runs a gentle hand along her back._

" _We have to find Derek, we have to because-"_

" _Okay everybody, calm down; we're not that far from Derek's office. I'm gonna escort you all there and then I'll go find Derek," Kevin informs them._

 _oOoOo_

 _All 3 women nod and proceed to follow Kevin up the remaining steps. The walk to Derek's office is considerably quiet. Meredith and Cristina are silently communicating with one another how bad this is while Carson's hand nearly squeezes Kevin's to death. He doesn't seem to mind, though, he simply squeezes her hand with soothing reassurances that everything would be alright. They're startled when out of nowhere, Derek appears._

" _Daddy!" Carson is running into his arms as he hugs her back, though his hand immediately reaches for Meredith's, pulling her close as well._

" _What are you doing here?" Derek asks, though his eyes are trained on Kevin._

" _I found them walking up the staircase," Kevin informs him._

" _Carson-" Derek begins._

" _I'm sorry dad but I just-"_

" _Lockdown means stay where you are; where are Addison and Ryan?" Derek glances around looking for signs of the rest of his family._

" _Addison is supposed to be in your office, so is she," Kevin says looking down at Carson._

" _Carson, where's your mother?"_

" _I haven't seen her," Carson mumbles._

" _Well then where's Ryan?" Derek questions._

" _With April, presumably hiding in a supply closet unless they managed to find mom," Carson replies as Kevin and Derek sigh heavily._

" _Carson, you were supposed to-" Derek begins but Kevin holds up a hand._

" _Shh, I heard something," Kevin says as he shoves everyone into a closet._

" _Kevin, wha-"_

" _I heard something, it could be Clarke," Kevin says as Derek steps out of the closet._

" _That means you too Derek," But Derek is insistent._

" _I can't, not when my son and my ex-wife could be out there in danger," The two men have a silent standoff before Kevin relents. Not without turning towards Carson, Meredith, and Cristina._

" _Stay here, do not move unless myself or Derek come back to this closet and tell you it's okay to come out," Kevin's voice is stern and bores no room for arguments._

" _Derek-" Meredith protests; he immediately moves towards her and kisses her passionately. Their foreheads rest against one another as their hands join at the small swell of her stomach._

" _Keep Carson safe Meredith; she's stubborn like her mother but-"_

" _I will Derek, I'll keep her safe," Meredith insists as Carson turns to face her father with tears in her eyes._

" _Daddy-"_

" _This is the one time I need you to not use your stubborn Montgomery gene Carson," Derek jokes as she wraps her arms around his neck._

" _I'm not just a Montgomery, I'm a Montgomery-Shepherd," she whispers as Derek runs a hand through her hair._

" _It'll be alright Carson, I promise; you keep Meredith safe, okay?" Carson pulls back with a tearful nod before hugging Kevin._

" _Come back, mom needs you," she whispers as Kevin holds her tight as well. After a few moments, Derek and Kevin exit the supply closet, leaving Meredith, Cristina and Carson alone._

 _oOoOo_

 _Addison and Naomi aren't that far from Derek's office when they hear a shout, causing them to look around. Addison breathes a sigh of relief when she spots Ryan running towards her._

" _Ryan! Thank God you're alright!" She holds her son close, breathing him in as she runs her hands through his hair and over his face._

" _Where's your sister?" Addison asks as both she and Naomi look up at the resident standing with him._

" _H-hi, I'm Dr. April Kepner," her voice is shaky and she looks as though she's seen a ghost._

" _Addison Montgomery, this is Dr. Naomi Bennett. Have you seen my husband?" Addison doesn't miss the look the other three people give her when she refers to Derek as her husband._

" _I haven't seen him since he left his office," April replies as Naomi gives Ryan the once over while Addison continues to interrogate April about Derek and Carson's whereabouts._

" _Where's Carson?" Addison asks._

" _She, she went to look for Chief Shepherd; she wanted me to take Ryan and hide because she said that the first place the shooter would go is-"_

" _Derek's office, right," Addison nods as she turns to Naomi and Ryan._

" _Alright, we're gonna go hide somewhere until everything's safe," Addison instructs._

" _But mom, Dad, Carson and Kevin are-"_

" _Your father and Kevin will find Carson. They'll come get us once everything is over," She soothes as Ryan hugs her tight._

" _Mom, I'm scared," Ryan admits as a few stray tears fall down his cheeks._

" _It's gonna be okay Ryan, I promise," Addison says as she leads everyone down the hallway to a nearby conference room. However, while April keeps Ryan occupied, she and Naomi share a look that says everything may not be alright._

 _oOoOo_

 _Derek and Kevin are walking down the hallway together, though it's eerily quiet. There is no movement coming from anywhere; it's so quiet that you can barely hear the two men breathing._

" _You should've stayed with Carson Derek," Kevin mutters as Derek shakes his head._

" _I could say the same about you; you should've stayed with Addison," Kevin counters._

" _This is my hospital,"_

" _You keep saying that but you don't do this, deal with shooters on a daily basis," Kevin tells him as they come to a halt._

" _What's-"_

" _I see him," Kevin whispers as he reaches for his gun._

" _Kevin-"_

" _Stay here Derek; don't move," Kevin instructs him as he carefully makes his way towards Gary Clarke._

 _Derek peers from around the corner as he watches Kevin carefully draw his gun._

" _Freeze! SWAT put your hands in the air, right now!" Kevin is yelling at Gary Clarke who looks startled._

" _Sir, put the gun down," Kevin's voice is calmer this time as he stares at the other man._

" _Sir-" Kevin doesn't even have time to fire his weapon before he's blown to the ground from a single gunshot wound to the chest._

 _Derek has to muffle his own gasp as he hears a door creak open from nearby. It's Addison. He silently shakes his head at her as her eyes widen in shock. He needs her to go back into the conference room; he needs her to listen to him. God hopes that she listens to him. He mouths the words 'go back inside' to Addison, but she shakes her head adamantly as her eyes fall to Kevin. Shit, this is bad, this is really, really bad he thinks to himself. He glances between Kevin and Addison, doing his best to listen for any sounds from the other end of the hall before rushing towards his ex-wife, closing the door behind them._

" _Derek, what are you doing!" Addison is frantic, doing her best to move towards the door, but Derek blocks her exit._

" _Derek, move out of the way, Kevin-"_

" _He's gone Addie, it was a single gunshot wound to the chest," He tells her as she still fights to get past him. However, everyone jumps at the sound of a second shot being fired._

" _No! No! Derek, no! Kevin-"_

" _Addison! There is still a crazed gunman on this floor! I can't let you out there, I can't, I can't lose you, Addie! Think about Carson and Ryan!" Derek says as their eyes fall on their visibly shaken son._

" _Kevin's dead?" Derek watches as the young boy's lip quivers, though Addison reaches him first, kissing his head as their tears mingle together. Naomi moves to comfort them both as April shakily approaches him._

" _April, I need you to make sure that Addison remains in this room until I or someone from the police force comes in here to get you all," April nods, though she reaches for his hand as he touches the doorknob._

" _Where-"_

" _Carson, Meredith, and Cristina are in a supply closet down the hall. I'm gonna try and go get them and bring them here. I'll be right back," April is hesitant to let him go but she does._

 _Derek looks over at Addison, who is holding Ryan, doing her best to keep it together. Fuck, why did this have to happen while everyone he loves is in the hospital? He rushes towards his family, wrapping them in a tight embrace, though he pulls back to look into Addison's mournful eyes._

" _I'm so sorry Addie," Derek whispers and without thinking, he presses a tender kiss to her lips. There's no real reciprocation, simply a nostalgic kiss between two old lovers. Naomi and Ryan pretend not to notice the look they give one another once they've pulled away._

" _Carson, Meredith, and Cristina are-"_

" _Go, find them," Addison whispers as she takes Derek's hands into her own one final time before he leaves._

 _Chapter 4 to follow…_


	4. Chapter 4

_Meredith paces for a few moments before taking off her jacket. Carson is in the corner, silently rocking back and forth as Cristina's eyes flitter between the both of them, doing her best to keep calm. Though they can't be anything but calm, especially after the two gunshots they heard coming from down the hall. Carson is in tears as she tries not to think about the fact that those two bullets could have been fired into either her father or her mother's boyfriend. She tries not to focus on that instead, she focuses on Meredith, who doesn't look so good._

" _Meredith, are you okay?" Carson glances over at her stepmother who's doubled over._

" _You okay?" Cristina asks as she turns around at the sound of Meredith moaning._

" _I've been hurling every day this week around…yep, right on schedule," Meredith looks at her watch as Carson makes a face._

" _Okay, we gotta get out of here, cause uh, I'm not staying in here after you stink up this place with your vomit," Cristina tells Meredith as Carson rolls her eyes._

" _Cristina, we can't-" Carson begins but she immediately stops when she sees Cristina's shocked face._

" _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, get down," Cristina whispers as she ducks._

" _What? What? What?"Meredith frowns as she does everything she can_ _to_ _not puke up her guts._

" _That's the guy from the elevator," Cristina suddenly realizes as Carson's heart begins to pound; Cristina had seen Gary Clarke too?_

" _What do mean, what-"Meredith is growing more confused and scared_

" _It's the guy from the elevator, he asked me for directions on how to get to the chief's office," Cristina says as Carson's eyes widen._

" _You told him how-"_

" _I didn't know who he was!" Cristina hissed._

" _I, I, I don't-"_

" _Meredith, the guy with the gun is looking for Derek," Cristina explains._

" _You said his name was Gary Clarke?" Meredith asks as she turns to face Carson who mutely nods in response. Meredith quickly reaches for an empty supply bin and hurls the contents of her stomach into it._

 _oOoOo_

 _Derek is shaking visibly shaking as he exits the conference room. He stops when he gets to Kevin's body. He's surprised when he finds Kevin looking up at him; immediately Derek steps into doctor mode though Kevin stops him._

" _I'm gonna die, Derek; single gunshot wound to the chest and lower torso," Kevin's voice is hoarse and raspy. He's already started losing his color; he'll be gone soon._

" _I'm not leaving," Derek says as he reaches out to grab Kevin's hand and squeeze it._

" _We-we were gonna get married; go to Fiji and get married," He's talking about Addison Derek realizes._

" _Addie's always liked the beach," Derek's eyes are kind and sympathetic as he watches Kevin struggle for air._

" _It's alright, it's alright Kevin" Derek murmurs as Kevin squeezes his hand._

" _I-I did love her, y'know; I really did," Derek nods in response to Kevin's weak sounding words._

" _I know, and I think she loved me too," Kevin shakes his head._

" _No, she's, she's still hung up on you; it's why we broke up so many times. She still loves you man," Kevin lets out a rough cough as Derek tries to process Kevin's information._

" _Addie and I we-"_

" _We wouldn't have worked, she still loves you, and I think, you still love her," Kevin's breaths are less steady; it could be any moment now._

" _Addison-"_

" _She loves you, Derek, always has, always will," Kevin whispers as he does his best to keep his eyes open._

" _Tell her, tell her I'm sorry, and that I did love her…" Kevin's last breath mingles in with his last words as he stops moving completely. Derek sighs heavily as he hangs his head, quietly reciting an old prayer he'd heard during mass when he was a young boy. After a few moments, he stands up and heads off to get Carson, Meredith, and Cristina._

 _He's walking across the catwalk checking his phone when a familiar voice stops him._

" _Dr. Shepherd," He's finally face-to-face with Gary Clarke._

" _Sir, you shouldn't be here, it's not safe," Derek tries to remain calm as the older man approaches him._

" _I know it's not safe here, that's the point; this hospital isn't safe," Derek keeps his eyes trained on the man's hand, which is shoved into his pocket._

" _You don't recognize me do you?" Derek's heart is beating rapidly in his chest._

" _Mr. Clarke, sorry I was, I have a situation going on here, you should go someplace safe so you don't get hurt," Derek says, though he knows he's the one who's not safe. He can't let on that he knows what his plan is._

" _I'm already hurt, you hurt me when you decided to kill my wife," Finally, the moment Derek has been waiting on; Gary Clarke pulls out his gun and aims it at him._

 _oOoOo_

 _Carson, Meredith, and Cristina are quickly making their way down the hallway when a familiar body makes Carson stop._

" _Kevin!" Meredith and Cristina are hissing at her to be quiet, but she doesn't listen._

 _She rushes towards Kevin and cradles him. Though when she picks him up, she knows he's gone. Meredith and Cristina silently stand off to the side as Carson quietly sobs. All three look up when they hear a door open. To their relief, it's Addison, Ryan, April and Addison's friend Naomi._

" _Mom!" Addison is rushing towards her daughter, cradling her as she sobs. The redhead does spare a glance at Kevin's now lifeless body, unable to hold back her own tears._

" _He killed him! He killed Kevin!" Carson sobs as Addison tries to be strong for her daughter; thankfully, Naomi and April are shielding Ryan from seeing Kevin's body. After a few moments, Addison looks up at Meredith and Cristina._

" _Derek-"_

" _We haven't seen him since just before he and…since before they put us in the supply closet._

" _We saw him, the shooter, he's on this floor and he's looking for Derek," Cristina informs Addison, who helps Carson to her feet._

" _It's not safe out here, we have to get back to-" Addison begins as Carson races off down the hallway._

" _Carson! Carson, come back!" Addison is ready to run after her but Naomi holds her back._

" _Nae, let go I have to get-"_

" _Ryan, Addie; Ryan needs you," Addison glances back at her son who is still standing with April, his tiny body shaking with sobs._

" _We'll go after her," Meredith informs Addison who nods gratefully. Though before they leave, Addison grabs Meredith's hand and squeezes it._

" _Meredith, be safe; there's someone else to think about now," Meredith nods in understanding before she and Cristina race after Carson._

 _They're able to reach Carson who has suddenly halted; once they catch up with her, they understand why. Across the catwalk, Derek is staring at the barrel of Gary Clarke's gun._

 _oOoOo_

" _Mr. Clarke," Derek tries to keep his voice calm, though his eyes are in a slight panic._

" _Shut up, no talking; you're not the man here, I'm the man, I'm the man. I told my wife I would be, I'm the man and a man looks after his wife. But I didn't, I let you decide that she should die. I wasn't a man then, but I'm a man now," Gary Clarke says, inching closer to Derek._

" _No, no, no, no!" Carson whispers as she tries to move, though Meredith is holding on to her, while Cristina holds on to Meredith._

" _What kind of hospital is this? It isn't safe here; somebody has to protect people, from you, handing down judgments like you're God," Gary Clarke says to Derek; there's less than three feet between the two of them at this point._

" _Mr. Clarke-"_

" _You don't get to be God!" Gary shouts, his gun is a bit shaky as he points it at Derek_

" _Mr-"_

" _No talking!" From across the catwalk, Carson and Meredith are able to see just how scared Derek is; his hands are in the air, a clear sign that he doesn't want to die._

" _Let go of me! Let me go! That's my father!" Carson does her best to wiggle out of Meredith's grasp, but Meredith has quite a grip for a small person._

" _Mr. Clarke, listen to me; I know your loss. I lost my father when I was a kid;_ _two guys killed my father for his watch, right in front of me, right in front of me. I didn't become a doctor so that I could become God; I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives. Look at me, please, look at me in the eye. I'm a human being, I make mistakes, I'm flawed we all are. Today I think, for you, it's just a mistake. You want justice? You want somebody to pay, you're a good man I can see that in your eyes," Derek keeps his eyes on Gary as he talks; he's softening, just a bit, just a little bit. Maybe he can talk him down off the ledge._

" _Can you see it in mine? Can you?"Derek is wearing the tiniest of smiles as he watches Gary Clarke slowly lower his gun._

 _Meanwhile on the other side of the catwalk, Carson is still struggling against Meredith, whose grip is considerably tight. She needs to get to her father, she can't let this man kill anyone else she loves. Without thinking, she draws her elbow forward and then forcefully swings it back, hitting Meredith directly in the stomach. Meredith doubles over, practically falling to the ground. Cristina is there to catch her, but she's holding a hand over her stomach as though she's in pain. Cristina is torn, does she run after Derek's kid or does she help Meredith?_

" _Go, save Carson; I'll be fine," Meredith has propped herself up against the railing as Cristina looks her in the eyes._

" _He'll never forgive me if something happens to Carson," Meredith pants as Cristina nods, instantly running after Carson and surprisingly tackling her to the ground._

" _What the hell are you doing?! Stop! Stop it! Get off me!" Carson is shouting, but Cristina quickly covers her mouth. The last thing they need to do is draw the gunman's attention towards them._

 _Gary's gun is lowered; however, at the sound of the screaming coming from across the catwalk, time seems to stand still. Derek turns, eyes wide as he sees Cristina wrestling with Carson while Meredith rests against the railing, her hands pressed against her stomach. Out of the corner of his eye, Derek notices his face contort into a frown before he raises the gun._

" _DADDY!" Carson is frantic as she manages to shove Cristina off of her before desperately trying to run towards her father._

 _However, it's too late; Gary Clarke fires a single shot into Derek's chest, sending him to the ground._

 _Chapter 5 to follow…_

* * *

 **We're gonna go back to the present after this chapter and see how everyone is coping with the loss. The drama's not over just yet, so keep reading! Updates may get a bit slow, mostly because I'll be heading back to school to finish up my senior year of college. I'll also be interning a bit and doing my job as a nanny, but I'll try and sneak in updates when I can!**

 **Happy Reading (or not)!**

 **Xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, guys!**

 **I apologize for the delay in updates; my life has been hectic lately. In other news, if you're interested in reading Fighting Our Way as one large piece, then be on the lookout for it to be posted on an Archive of Our Own (AO3). Thank you all so much for all of the love you're showing this story, it really means a lot! I'm going to try and make this installment longer than part I, but I must ask you all to be patient with me. All of the really good stuff is being saved for the final installment.**

 **The final installment, Fighting Our Way: Living Proof is preplanned for an estimated 30 or so chapters. I promise (if my muse cooperates) part III will be longer in terms of word count, angsty, drama, sex, and all of the other heart-stopping moments you guys crave from me. The final chapter of the Finding Our Way series is already written. It's been written for about 4 years now and I don't see it changing anytime soon. With that being said, please enjoy this next chapter, in which we begin to slowly unpack some underlying issues that will be further explored in the final installment.**

 **Enjoy everyone!**

 **Xx**

 **I'm adding a trigger warning for brief drug abuse at the end.**

* * *

Seattle-3 Months Later

"You have to take it easy on yourself Derek," Teddy Altman tells him for what feels like the thousandth time. He's in physical therapy for the third time this week, trying to regain his strength.

"I have to-"

"Derek, you were shot," Teddy gently reminds him as he shakes his head, letting out a frustrating sigh.

"Has Mark called yet?" he glances back at Teddy who shakes her head.

"Their flight should be in this afternoon or sometime this evening. Relax, Mark had Jackson Avery to-"

"I should be there, picking them up, not Mark," Derek says, not bothering to hide the dejection in his voice.

"If we're gonna go that route then Addison shouldn't be moving back to Seattle," Teddy says rather pointedly as Derek leans against the nearby wall.

"You're right; she should be in on some tropical island with Kevin, maybe she'd be married by now," Derek looks down at the floor, unable to get the image of the other man's lifeless body out of his head.

"You can't blame yourself, Derek, what happened was-"

"It was my fault; Gary Clarke was after me and-"

"Derek, you did not kill his wife; she was brain dead, nothing more could be done," Teddy gently walks over to him and comfortingly places a hand on his shoulder.

"It's over, Derek; everyone lived, you, Addison, Carson, Ryan, Meredith, the baby. Everyone's alive," Derek looks up at Teddy and nods slowly. Yes, everyone did survive, but that didn't mean they would be the same.

Los Angeles

"Ryan honey, are you alright?" Ryan looks up at the sound of his Aunt Naomi's voice.

"Huh? I'm fine Aunt Nae," Naomi leans forward and gives him a kiss on the head before pulling up a seat next to him.

"How are you feeling about moving?" She asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

How _did_ Ryan feel about moving back to Seattle? It was an honest question he hadn't asked himself. There were pros and cons to moving back to Seattle; everyone would be back together, but then he was leaving his life here in Los Angeles. He would be leaving behind all of his friends, everyone here at the practice. But again, his family would be back together, so that's a good thing.

"Ryan?" Aunt Naomi is calling his name again.

"Oh, sorry; moving back is okay I guess," Just before Naomi responds, the door opens, Carson is walking inside.

Carson looks different, a lot different; she died her hair a really dark color a few days after they got back to LA. She doesn't wear it down; she wears it pulled away from her face most of the time. The thing Ryan notices the most about his sister is that she's quiet, really, really quiet.

"Hey Carson," Naomi watches as the young girl moves to sit Indian style on the couch, staring out into nothingness.

It doesn't escape her that there are tears on her face either. Ryan knows what's wrong; she's been thinking about Kevin again. Ryan simply stands and moves to sit next to her, his small hand reaching out to hold hers.

"I miss him too," Ryan says quietly as his sister looks over at him, causing new tears to form in her eyes.

She doesn't respond, there's no need too; he saw everything and understands what she's going through. She simply scoots closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder as she whispers out a quiet 'thank you'. It's the most he's heard her talk in weeks; she mostly stays holed up in her room these days.

"That's what little bros are for, I got your back and you got mine," Ryan gently nudges her and she looks up, giving him a sweet smile before ruffling his hair.

"I love you, kid," Ryan doesn't respond, he simply wraps his arms around her. They sit in silence watching the sun rise further in the sky as Naomi and Sam watch the beautiful scene unfold in front of them.

3 Months Ago:

 _Time seems to stand still for everyone as a single bullet rips through the air and goes straight into Derek Shepherd's chest. He immediately falls to the ground, his eyes closing and quickly opening again as he lies there gasping for breath. Carson shoves Cristina out of the way and runs toward her father, completely forgetting that Gary Clarke was still hovering over them._

" _Daddy! Don't die okay, please don't die," Carson is in tears, though she follows her father's train of sight and immediately freezes when she sees Gary Clarke pointing his gun at her._

" _I saw you this morning, you said you didn't know who he was," he's waving his gun a bit erratically as he speaks._

" _Did you think I'd just tell you where he was so you could shoot him?!"_

" _He killed my wife, I had to defend her…"_

" _No, your wife died because she was brain dead you fucking moron! If he dies so help me God…" Carson is still cradling Derek's body in her arms as Gary Clarke looks over the catwalk railing; Seattle's SWAT team is swarming the building._

" _Run," Gary Clarke commands_

" _Are you insane?! I'm not leaving him!"_

" _Carson, get out of here before he, shoots you too," Derek manages, though he's coughing up a blood at this point and his wound is bleeding steadily._

" _Did you hear me? I said get out of here!"_

" _I'm not leaving!"_

" _Carson…"_

" _No, daddy! I'm not leaving you; he's just gonna have to shoot me too. Go ahead, do it! Shoot me! Shoot me dammit!" Gary Clarke raises his gun as Derek reaches out to squeeze Carson's hand._

" _Stop! Mr. Clarke, please don't do this!" Carson's head whips around at the sound of her mother's voice._

" _Mom? What are you-"_

" _Carson, shut up; you are not gonna let this man shoot you. She's leaving Mr. Clarke," Addison is calm, holding both hands in the air as she slowly walks towards them._

" _Who are you?"_

" _I'm her mother; my name is Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery, I, I work here and that man, the man you shot is my husband, ex-husband," Addison's eyes are focused on Derek's which are wide and glassy._

" _Were you married to her?" Derek nods, keeping his eyes on Addison as Gary Clarke turns his attention back towards her._

" _Why'd you divorce?"_

" _Why we divorced is not important,"_

" _Her life depends on it; why did you two divorce?" Gary Clarke has his gun aimed directly at Carson's head as he asks his question._

" _We divorced because I-"_

" _I was a terrible husband and father," Derek's weak response makes both Carson and Addison look at him._

" _Derek…"_

" _We divorced because I was a terrible husband and an awful father. Mr. Clarke, please; they have nothing to do with this. I'm the one you want; let my girls live," Gary gives Derek one last hard look before shifting his gaze between Carson and Addison._

" _You take her, and get the hell out of here," Addison nods, immediately moves towards Carson who immediately begins to protest._

" _No! I'm not leaving him; if we leave him he'll die!" Carson is holding on to Derek with a vice grip._

" _Shut up and listen to me; Cristina and Meredith are over there and they're gonna save him," Addison mutters, glancing back at Gary Clarke._

 _Carson nods mutely before leaning down to whisper to her father how much she loves him._

" _Addie…" Derek reaches out to grab her hand before she leans down and kisses him._

" _Don't die, okay? I can't lose another man I love today," Derek tearfully nods as Gary Clarke yells for them to hurry up. Addison shoves a stumbling Carson away from Derek and Gary Clarke and into the hallway._

Los Angeles:

"You okay Red?" Mark and Addison are still sitting on the beach, though the tide has come in so the water is starting to lap at their feet.

"I still can't believe that this happened," Addison sighs as Mark wraps an arm around her.

"Neither can I; she actually told him to kill her?"

"She did; it was dumb and foolish but, I probably would've done the same thing, maybe even stupider," Addison says with a shrug.

"I'm seeing Lexie again," Mark randomly confesses as Addison rolls her eyes.

"That doesn't surprise me; she broke things off with Alex I presume?"

"Yeah, but she still hates me, though,"

"You had her committed to the psych ward Mark,"

"If you'd seen how she acted after everything…"

"Kevin got shot and died, Derek got shot, my daughter told a crazed gunman to shoot her, said daughter also got into a serious car accident less than 72 hours before the said shooting. If anybody should be locked in a psych ward it's me, not Lexie."

"I thought you didn't like her?"

"Oh I don't; I'm amused at her telling people that you cheated on her with me even though you two were broken up at the time."

"Still bitter about the last time I was out here huh?"

"You came out here under the pretense that I was gonna help your pregnant daughter after you kicked me out of an OR in Seattle for doing just that. Then, you use me when I'm weak and vulnerable about my mother being a lesbian and you have sex with me, knowing that my emotions are all over the place and then, you try and convince me to help you raise Sloane's baby with you, telling me how it would work because we work so well together and my kids are already like your kids…need I go on?"

"Okay, you've got me there. I was wrong, I shouldn't have asked you to help me raise Sloane's baby with you."

"Thank you,"

"Did you and Kevin ever think about having kids together?" Addison sighs heavily, running a hand through her hair.

"We did; ya know one of the last things he said to me was that we should go to Fiji with the kids and get married," Mark gives Addison's hand a squeeze.

"I'm sorry Red; I'm sorry that you got caught in the middle of all of this. I'm sorry that you lost your shot at happiness." Addison smiles and wraps an arm around Mark.

"Do I miss Kevin? Every single day, but Mark, he wasn't my only chance at happiness,"

"Right, because Kevin swore Derek was your real chance at happiness," Mark mutters as Addison eyes him suspiciously.

"What the hell are you talking about Mark?" Mark reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck, a clear sign that's apprehensive about something or he's guilty. In this case, Addison suspects the latter.

"Mark Sloan…"

"Alright fine! Derek and I were talking a few weeks after the shooting and, he said Kevin mentioned some things to him before he…y'know,"

"What did Kevin tell Derek?"

"He told Derek that he knew you two wouldn't work out because you were still in love with Derek,"

"That's not true Mark,"

"Derek says you guys kissed during the shooting…twice." The mention of she and Derek kissing makes Addison turn a light shade of pink.

"Is there a reason you're all flustered?" Mark teases.

"Okay, one, I am not flustered and two…Derek kissed me first,"

"And the second time?" Mark is wearing a knowing smirk.

"Wipe that smug look off your face because you don't know anything."

"Addison, it's okay if you still-"

"No, I don't still love Derek; we kissed because it was nostalgic and we both thought we were going to die that day, that's it," Addison is standing now, wiping the sand off of her clothes.

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Mark, we've been divorced for almost 4 years now. Derek's moved on with Meredith and they're having a baby, a child that you're going to be the godfather too in case you forgot. Let's not forget that Derek was going to propose to Meredith with his mother's ring."

"You still bitter about that?"

"No, I am not…it doesn't matter Mark, because Derek moved on a long time ago," Addison says quietly as she turns her attention back towards the ocean.

"Y'know, if I can be completely honest, Derek has always been in love with you, even though he's with Meredith. I'm not just saying that because I want you two to get back together. I'm saying that because I've lived here in Seattle with Derek for almost 6 years and I've seen how he looks at Meredith and I've seen how he's tried to make Meredith into something she's not,"

"And let me guess, that something is me?" Addison says knowingly.

"Not necessarily you, but what you two had; he wants it back Addie." Addison shakes her head slowly, doing her best to keep the tears at bay.

"Mark, Derek doesn't want me, otherwise he would've fought harder to keep me. He wouldn't have sent you over to be the replacement Derek to me and the kids. He didn't fight for us, Mark. Look, I can guarantee you that once he's holding his and Meredith's child in his arms, I'll be an afterthought. In fact, I'd say I'm already an afterthought," Mark looks at his friend and chuckles.

"If you were really an afterthought and none of what I'm saying is true, then why the hell are you moving back to Seattle, at Derek's request?" Mark again smirks knowingly at Addison who turns even redder before smacking him on the arm before heading back towards her house.

"Oh…shut up and help me put the last of my things into the moving van."

Seattle:

Meredith Grey walked down the hallway of Seattle Grace Hospital with her hand on her ever growing baby bump. She was just over six months pregnant now but wanted to keep the baby's sex a surprise. She didn't want to think about her child's gender because it wouldn't matter in Derek's eyes; he already had one of each with Addison. She took a deep calming breath when she thought about the redheaded neonatal surgeon. It wasn't that she hated Addison, but she knew that things had changed between her and Derek since the shooting. The most significant change happened when Derek gave Addison deed to his property over on Bainbridge Island and asked her to move back to Seattle. Meredith didn't say much, but she found Addison's willingness to move to be a bit unnerving. Of course, she understood when Derek explained that he needed his children 'his family' to be closer to him. She pretended that it didn't sting when he included Addison in 'his family'. Meredith understood; they had been married for almost 12 years and had 2 children together. Addison would always be family to Derek, but family didn't kiss each other, twice during a crisis.

The thing that infuriated her the most was that she had to hear about their kissing indirectly. She's reasoned to herself that she has no need to worry, Derek was her post-it husband and they were having a baby together. She can't help the grin that spreads across her face at the thought of her child with Derek. She was almost sure that she'd lost the baby with everything that had happened during the shooting. Of course, when she started experiencing the bleeding and cramping she thought about how Carson had elbowed her in the stomach. Thankfully, Addison examined her and found that she and the baby turned out to be okay. She's still in pretty good spirits when she stops to check in on Derek. He's been putting himself through rigorous physical therapy since he recovered from surgery.

"Hey, everything okay in here?" Teddy looks up from her charts when she notices Meredith come into the therapy room.

"Just trying to convince our chief here-"

"I told you, I'm not the chief, not anymore." Derek looks completely washed out, drenched in sweat as his shirt clings to his chest.

"You have yet to officially come back to work, so, therefore, Richard is only acting as interim chief of surgery. You know the board won't take your resignation until you're back to work which, you were cleared for 6 weeks ago." Teddy reminds him.

"You can't recover from a GSW to the chest in 6 weeks Teddy,"

"Alex did; he got shot too remember," Meredith has moved to stand beside Derek as he does his regular exercise routine.

"I know but…it was, it was different for me Mere. Alex just got shot, Gary Clarke came after me, after my family. I watched a man die, I watched Kevin die," Derek murmurs as Teddy looks up at him.

"Who's Kevin?"

"Addison's boyfriend," Meredith informs her.

"I didn't know Addison-"

"He was a SWAT cop in LA; if I hadn't gotten a hold of him and got him to call Seattle SWAT, things could've been so much worse,"

"He died a hero at least,"

"Yeah, he did," Derek says quietly as Meredith takes his hand and places it on her stomach.

"Do you feel that? The baby kicked," Feeling their child move has always had a soothing effect on Derek. It makes Meredith's heart swell at the way he grins, leans forward to talk to her belly.

"Hey there kiddo, I'm your daddy,"

"Derek, you know the baby can't hear you just yet; we've still got a while before that happens," Meredith grins.

"I know, but it never hurts to start early. I did the same thing with Carson and Ryan," There's an awkward pause when he mentions Addison's pregnancy, but Meredith doesn't dwell on the fact that he's been mentioning Addison's pregnancies with Carson and Ryan or little things he'd learned about pregnancy while being married to her.

"Well, I'm sure that your voice will be the first one the baby knows; I've gotta get back to work. I'll see you at home?" Derek nods, leaning forward to press a kiss to Meredith's lips before she leaves.

"What?" Derek finds Teddy staring at him long after Meredith's gone.

"You don't think it's weird, bringing up your ex-wife's pregnancies in front of your current wife, who's also carrying your baby?"

"What, what did I say wrong?" Teddy shakes her head and sighs.

"For you to be a neurosurgeon, you're very stupid,"

SeaTac Airport-6 Hours Later

Carson stares out of the tiny airplane window as the pilot announces that they'll be landing soon. She's been quiet the whole ride, keeping her earbuds in as she listens to Lady Gaga, The Fray and everything else on her 'airplane ride' playlist. Ryan is sitting next to her, buzzing about how excited he is to get back to Seattle. He was practically unphased by the shooting, which is a good thing but oh how she envies him for that. Aunt Kathleen is a shrink, so she knows that people experience and deal with trauma on different levels. Right now, though? She wishes that she had Ryan's resilient kid mentality and was able to be as unaffected as he is.

She's been studying her brother and everyone else that's been affected by the shooting and none of them have had any of the weird feelings she's been having. Mom, Dad, and Uncle Mark have all suggested that she talk to a shrink, preferably Dr. Wyatt or Aunt Kat. She doesn't want to see a shrink, because how she reacted was normal, right? She didn't do anything wrong, at least that's what everyone keeps telling her. In fact, her father's called her a hero, but deep down, she knows it's just his way of making her feel about everything that's happened. She's startled when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

"Geez Car, I was just letting you know the plane's landed," Ryan is looking at her strangely; her mother and Uncle Mark look worried.

"Sweetie, are you-"

"I'm fine mom, Jesus Christ! I'm just a little jumpy, can you blame me? I watched my father get shot 3 fucking months ago," Carson snaps as she shoves past her brother to get her carry on back from overhead.

"Carson, that's no way to talk to your mother," She glares at Uncle Mark but apologizes to her mother all the same.

"Honey, I really think-"

"Mom, I love you but I do not need a therapist, okay? I'm dealing with this the best way I know how" Carson runs a hand through her hair and takes several deep breaths as her mother continues to stare at her. She says nothing more but she keeps her eyes on Carson as they make their way through the airport.

"I have to go to the bathroom, or are you gonna watch me while I pee too?"

"Carson…" Addison sighs, though Mark gently places a hand on her shoulders murmurs something to her as Carson storms off into the bathroom.

Once she gets inside she glances around, looking underneath stalls to make sure that she's completely alone before reaching into her purse. It's filled with lots of crap so it takes her a few moments before her hand feels the familiar stickiness of the tiny plastic baggie. She pulls it out and stares at tiny, multi-colored Xanax bars and pills that fill nearly half of the bag. She pulls out one, a white one and quickly pops it into her mouth.

She rinses it down with a bottle of water from her purse. She closes her eyes and allows the pill to do its work; she likes the calm, relaxing feel popping a bar gives her. She doesn't get that high that her friends have told her about, but she definitely more relaxed. She jumps when she hears someone coming into the bathroom. She quickly stashes the baggie down into her purse and turns just in time to see her mother standing there, an apprehensive look on her face.

"Honey, I know it may seem like I'm being a bit of a nag and most likely a bitch but…Carson, I'm worried about you," Shit, nothing makes her feel guiltier than seeing her mother near tears.

"Oh, mom…I'll be fine, I promise," Carson steps forward and wraps her arms around her mother who squeezes back just as tight.

"I love you so much baby girl, and I don't ever want you to think that you can't come and talk to me about anything. I know that what happened was, god it was awful, but we're gonna get through it, okay? We're gonna be fine, I promise," Carson nods, breathing in the calming scent that is strictly her mother.

"I need to hear you say it, Carson,"

"We're gonna be fine,"

Oh mom, everything is _so_ not fine…

 _Chapter 6 to follow…_

* * *

 **Again, I'm so sorry that this update took me so long but I'm most definitely happy with how this chapter turned out. So I know we talked about seeing more of Ryan and his reaction to the shooting but…we probably won't see much of it. And here's the reason for that: everyone reacts to trauma differently. I'm taking an abnormal psychology class this semester and, we've been discussing trauma. One thing we learned is that trauma affects everyone differently.**

 **Ryan will pretty much go through this series unscathed by all of the trauma that's happened and that is set to happen because I'm not done fucking around with Derek and Addison just yet. In fact, none of the other characters will experience the after effects and trauma of everything as much as Carson. She's pretty much the central character for this series. There are potentially a few more chapters left in this story before we dive into part III. You all should start paying attention to the details because I'm totally leaving you breadcrumbs as to where I'm going with certain things.**

 **Also, I said I wasn't going to say anything but…I can't help myself:**

 **I'm writing a book!**

 **But it's not just ANY book…I'm turning one of my Grey's fanfics into a book!**

 **The first person, who is NOT Darley1101, to guess which fic is in the process of becoming a book gets a cookie.**

 **Happy reading! I hope you all are as excited about this news as I am!**

 **Xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter will focus a lot on Carson. The rating is going up to M at this point due to drug use and other things that will follow.**

* * *

 _Los Angeles-3 Months Ago_

 _It feels weird being back in LA after everything that's happened, but her mom said they had to go back. Plus, she had to bury Kevin; the thought of Kevin being dead still stings sometimes. She remembers the ceremony in LA that they'd been required to go. She remembers meeting Kevin's mother and the way she'd looked her mom up and down, silently judging her like Grandma Carolyn had done all those years ago. Mrs. Nelson had been particularly kind to Carson and Ryan but barely spared Addison a passing glance. She shakes her head, desperately trying to rid herself of thoughts about Kevin and the shooting. Today, she's on the beach with her friends and she's going to enjoy every moment of it._

 _She's hanging out with some old friends on the beach; Meagan had invited her the minute she heard Carson was back in LA. Of course, her phone had blown up when her friends found out what happened to her when she was in Seattle; who hadn't heard about that? It was all over the news and her parents' names were plastered on every newspaper and TV screen for weeks after that. The July sun is blazing on her skin as she pulls off her top, revealing her toned stomach as well as her belly button piercing and the tiny tattoo she'd gotten on her hip. She smiles a little bit when she thinks of how her mother would freak out if she knew, but that's neither here nor there. She looks up at the sound of Kit Mason's wolf whistle._

" _Lookin good Car!" She gives him a shy smile; Kit's 17 and a senior this year at the fancy private prep school Carson attends…or rather, used to attend._

" _Carson's always had a great body, I think its genetics," Katelyn West, a cheerleader at her school says._

" _Carson's mom is hot, so I definitely think its genetics," Brad, a 6 foot 3 blonde with gray eyes chimes in._

" _You guys, leave her alone," Carson's best friend Beth says, wrapping an arm around her shoulder._

 _Beth and Carson have been best friends since she moved to LA Six-and-a-half years ago. Beth was the first person to befriend her and they've been close ever since._

" _Thanks, Beth," Carson murmurs as her friend gives her shoulders a tiny squeeze._

" _Today's just about hanging on the beach with friends, not having everyone ogle you…we could even get high if you want to?" Beth's a pothead, beautiful, smart, but a total pot head. Most kids that go to Carson's school are potheads. There are a few that do meth, some snort coke. That's what happens when your parents are filthy rich; you literally do whatever the fuck you wanna do._

" _No weed for me…but maybe you could find me something to help me sleep? I can't seem to do that lately," Beth gives Carson an easy smile._

" _You can't sleep because you watched your dad get shot and your mom's boyfriend died. You should really go and get-"_

" _Now you sound like my mother; I thought we agreed that I was supposed to be getting away from her today?"_

" _You're right, you're right; I can definitely score you something to help with sleep. Is that all you need it to do?"_

" _Something to keep my nerves down, I'm too jumpy."_

" _Rick's got the perfect thing for that." Beth takes her by the arm and leads her further down the beach to where a group of teens sits near a bonfire. Most of them are kids from her school, some attend USC and Berkley._

" _Hey guys, this is my friend Carson; Car that's Jimmy, Jason, Laura, Jermaine, Leah, Sally, Jessica, Hank, and you know everybody else," Carson gives them all a small wave which they return with greeting gestures of their own._

" _Hey, aren't you the girl that-"_

" _Jim, not now," Beth shakes her head at him; the last thing they need to do is get Carson freaked out about what happened._

" _I remember you, we took French together; I'm Rick." Rick is nearly a whole foot taller than Carson and totally fits the look of a 'bad boy'. His hair is grungy and greasy like, but he's got a decent looking body and nice eyes, they're blue._

" _Yeah, Madame B, I remember you,"_

" _Awesome, so what brings you here?" Rick is staring at Carson in a way that makes her a little uncomfortable._

" _She needs something to help her sleep and to ease her anxiety," Beth informs him._

" _I've got just the thing for you…you ever had a Xanax bar?"_

" _No,"_

" _I'll start you off easy then," Rick reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a plastic baggie with an assorted color of pills._

" _Since you're new at this, I'd start with the peach, green, and blue ones. The White, Yellow, and Green ones are the strongest, work your way up to those," Carson takes the bag with trepidation; she's never done any kind of drugs before. Still, she can't get that day out of her head, her father's blood, the lifeless look in Kevin's eyes, Gary Clarke's gun. She needs to forget, and if taking these stupid pills will help then…_

" _Thanks," Rick gives her an easy smile._

" _No problem,"_

Seattle-Present

Carson blinks in surprise when they pull up to her father's property on Bainbridge Island. It's going to take her a while to get used to seeing a house on the property and not just her dad's tin can trailer. Their new house is pretty great; it sits on a few acres of land. The house has 3 stories, including the main floor and a basement. From what Uncle Mark said on the plane, it's totally up to Montgomery standards. She stands outside breathing in the fresh air of the property. She slowly turns when she feels her father's hand on her shoulder.

"Daddy," She breathes him in, resting her head against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

"I'm not going anywhere sweetheart," Derek knows his child so well; she's been resting her head against his chest since the accident.

"I know; it just makes me feel better," Derek smiles down at her, running a hand through her hair.

"Do you like it?"

"How much did it cost you to build it, and so fast at that?"

"How much the house cost doesn't matter; do you like it?" They both look up at the sound of Ryan's laughter.

"I'm guessing by the way you're running around that you like the place?" Ryan gives Derek a grin before doing a somersault in the grass.

"I love it, dad! It's so much bigger than our house in LA!"

"If you could've gotten me a view of the beach that would've been great," Addison's voice floats across the yard, causing Derek and Carson to look over at her.

"I couldn't manage that, but you do have a great view of the lake from your bedroom," Carson watches the interaction between her parents and smiles.

For the first time in a long time, everything feels normal, almost.

 _Seattle 3 Months Ago_

 _Meredith and Cristina wait until Gary Clarke is gone before they rush over to Derek._

" _He's got a pulse but its weak; we have to get him to an OR," Meredith is cradling Derek's head in her lap while Christina scurries to find a gurney to put him on._

" _Derek, you stay with me, stay with me okay?" Derek's eyes are glassy as he looks up at her; he nods, its weak but she sees it._

" _You're gonna be just fine, I promise; you're gonna be fine and I'm gonna have the baby and we're gonna be a great dad to our baby," She takes his hand and presses it to her stomach._

" _You feel that? That's what you have to live for, for our baby," Meredith cries in relief when Cristina is rushing towards her with a gurney._

" _Help me lift him," Meredith moves to help lift Derek but Cristina stops her._

" _No, I've got it,"_

" _Cristina-"_

" _Meredith, you just got an elbow to the stomach! You need to make sure you and the baby are okay,"_

" _I'm fine Cristina, we need to focus on Derek," This is one of those times where Cristina hates Meredith, hates her for putting Derek's needs in front of her own. However, looking at the surgery from a logical perspective she understands that if they don't help Derek he'll die. Ryan isn't that much older than she was when her own father died. The baby that Meredith is carrying is also her godchild, and that little fetus deserves to have both its parents around._

 _But it also deserves a fair chance to live._

 _oOoOo_

 _Carson is barely speaking to Addison as they walk back down the hallway towards the conference room. She knows that Carson is upset, but that doesn't mean that Carson gets to be stupid and tell Gary Clarke to shoot her. They come to a halt when they see Kevin's body lying in the hallway, blood still pooling from his wounds. Addison takes a deep breath and walks over to him. He's cold, Liver Mortis is starting to set in; his eyes are still open, but they hold none of the light and life they held when he promised her that they'd make it out of this alive. She allows herself to shed a few tears and mentally scream at him for not having on a bullet proof vest._

 _Her mind is still racing about why the hell it took Seattle's SWAT team to get here, how Gary Clarke was able to wander around the hospital so easily. Are there not signs that specifically say 'authorized personnel only'? Don't you have to show a security card to get into certain parts of the hospital? She looks up when she feels Carson's hand on her shoulder; there are tears streaming down her face as well. Giving Kevin one last glance she closes his eyes before pressing a kiss to his lips, whispering out a quiet 'I'm sorry' before ushering Carson into the conference room._

Seattle, Present

Carson loves their new house, she really does. It reminds her of their house in LA with its airy, open spaces.

"Hey, you okay?" She glances up at her mother who's now standing beside her.

"Yeah…does this mean you and dad are getting back together?" Addison looks at Carson like she's grown a third head.

"Your father's with Meredith and they're having a baby, remember?" Addison chuckles, reaching out to cup her daughter's face.

"Yeah, I know but…he built you a house and we left LA to come here because dad asked us to."

"No, we left LA because I couldn't stay there after what happened and two, your father and I discussed changing your custody arrangement to joint custody, but realized it made zero sense to have you do half of a week or half of year in Seattle and then half a year in LA. Plus, he couldn't move to LA because he's the chief and we had to consider Meredith in this situation,"

"Why?"

"Carson, Meredith and your father are having a baby, Meredith has a house here, and she's still doing her residency…"

"Oh. So us moving to Seattle was…"

"The shooting changed all of us, to the point where we'll never be the same. I actually like Seattle, and the people I care about most are here, like your dad, and Mark; plus, Callie's here, and Bailey, and Richard and Adele."

"What about LA? What about Aunt Naomi and Sam and Cooper and Charlotte and Aunt Amelia? You love them too, right?"

"I do, but no one was really surprised when I said I was moving back to Seattle," Addison laughs.

"Really?"

"Naomi was pissed but she said 'I was wondering how long it would be before you went back'," Carson has to laugh because Naomi was right; her mother's a surgeon, not a holistic doctor.

"So this is it, right? No more moving?"

"Nope, no more moving; Seattle's home," Addison says softly as Carson smiles back at her.

"Mark, Owen, and Alex Karev painted your bedroom," Carson's eyes widen in surprise.

"You got Alex to paint my room?"

"He volunteered,"

"Wow, I never pegged Alex as a guy who did stuff like that,"

"Trust me, I didn't; ask your mom what I made her promise me?" Alex is walking past them, headed out into the backyard where there's apparently a party of some sorts happening in their honor.

"Okay so, maybe I told him he'd get to scrub in on all of the good cases and, I'd let him do a solo surgery or two," Addison admits with a smirk as Carson laughs, doing something out of the ordinary and hugging Alex.

"Doesn't matter what she promised you, it means a lot that you'd go against your 'I don't like kids' rule for me," Alex rolls his eyes good-naturedly but gives Carson a squeeze right back.

"You tell anyone I'm going soft, I'll kill you,"

"Dually noted,"

As she stands in the foyer watching people filter in and out of the new house all of the laughing, smiling faces, Carson feels like this new start in Seattle could be a good thing. For a second, she almost considers flushing her Xanax bars down the toilet.

Almost.

 _Chapter 7 to follow…_

* * *

 **I know this was an ominous place to end the chapter but, I wanted you all (and Carson) to have some hope before I totally go fuck shit up in the coming chapters. I'm kidding I'm totally kidding…maybe, LOL. I'm still debating on whether or not I want to alter any more of the events in Derek's POV of the hospital shooting than I already have. I'm leaning towards a no, and leaving the rest as canon with the most obvious change being that Meredith and Derek's baby lives. There's still so much I can tell with this installment, so you're looking at anywhere between 12 to 15 chapters before we jump into the finale, which has SO much planned you guys. Thank you all so, so much for reading, it means a lot to me. I know that updates have slowed down a bit, but please know that I'm writing and brainstorming as much as I can when I have free time.**

 **Be on the lookout for Chapter 8 really soon!**

 **Xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**I apologize for the long wait; real life has been hectic for me lately. Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows you've given this story. I really appreciate it! We're winding down you guys, only a few more chapters left before we move onto the finale. I'm really excited for you all to start reading the final installment, it's gonna be amazing! While I'm not exactly happy with how this chapter turned out, I hope you all enjoy it!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Xx**

* * *

Seattle-3 Months Ago

 _Meredith breathes a sigh of relief once she sees Derek being wheeled to a hospital room. Gary Clarke is reportedly no longer a problem. He'd shot himself in the head after talking to Richard Webber of all people. Meredith rests a hand on her stomach, which has been cramping up since Carson elbowed her. Luckily for her, Addison was able to check her out and told her that the baby was okay. Speaking of Addison, Meredith looked over and saw her holding both of her children close as she spoke with Cristina about Derek's condition. Meredith is distracted when she feels a hand on her shoulder; it's Lexie._

" _Meredith, thank God you're okay!" Lexie is shaking as she throws her arms around her. She's still trying to feel her way through their relationship, but today, she's willing to put aside her feelings. Today, none of that matters. Meredith locks eyes with Mark; he's got blood on his shirt which makes Meredith worry._

" _Don't worry, it's not mine," Mark mutters; his eyes are haunted when he speaks._

" _Alex, we found him in an elevator; he'd been shot," Lexie has tears in her eyes when she informs Meredith of the news._

" _Don't worry, he's fine; we did the best we could to save him," Meredith frowns at Mark's words._

" _Addison's boyfriend came to find us but then we saw Alex and-"_

" _It's okay, Lexie; Alex needed you more," Meredith and Mark lock eyes at the mention of Kevin; Mark's head drops when he realizes that he didn't make it._

" _I'm gonna go check on Addison and the kids, I'll be back in a bit," Mark reaches over to kiss Lexie on the cheek before surprising Meredith and giving her a kiss as well before squeezing her shoulder._

" _How's Derek?" Lexie keeps Meredith from watching Mark comfort Addison and the kids._

" _He's alive; Cristina saved him,"_

" _How are you? I know it had to be scary but-"_

" _I'm fine Lexie, I promise, I'm fine,"_

Seattle-Present:

Meredith Grey is all smiles as she stands in the middle of Addison's new house and chats with her friends. It's still weird, but she knows that this is what Derek needs. Of course, he couldn't move to LA, so it's logical that Addison would move back to Seattle. She's made her peace with the fact that she and Addison will permanently be part of one another's lives. She smiles easily as she watches Derek and Addison laugh with their children. Meredith rests a hand on her belly as she feels her child kick.

It's a girl, she's certain, though Derek doesn't want to know. Sure, she's had her doubts that he didn't care. But Derek has reassured her time and time again that he doesn't want to know because he wants to experience the joy of telling her whether or not their child was a boy or a girl. With Addison, he said that he found out because she hated surprises. So Meredith understands, lets Derek live in the atmosphere of surprises, but she already knows the sex of their baby.

"Hey, are you okay, Meredith? Because I mean if this is uncomfortable for you then…" Meredith smiles serenely at Addison; she never realized how hard this must be for her. How awkward this was for her, readjusting to life in Seattle while trying to cope with the loss of Kevin.

"Addison, it's fine; this is awkward all around. I mean, you were married to Derek, Derek cheated on you with me, multiple times. You left and moved to LA, Derek and I got post-it married. Three months ago, our lives were both changed forever. Now, you're back in Seattle and I'm having Derek's baby. I get it, this whole thing is awkward and strange but I think we can manage, don't you?" Addison gives Meredith a warm smile.

"You're right, Meredith. It is weird and awkward for us. We have history and it's messy, but we've been managing all these years. You're having my ex-husband's baby, we're sorta stuck together forever," Meredith and Addison both laugh before falling into a comfortable silence.

"So Derek doesn't wanna know, huh?"

"Nope,"

"That look in your eyes says you already know," Meredith laughs a bit more, comfortably resting her hand on her bump.

"I do, but I'd rather keep it to myself,"

"You're better than me; I had to know with both my kids…" Addison says as she heads back towards the house.

"Hey, Addison?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it true that sometimes you poop while giving birth?" The question is completely random and forces Addison to raise an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I heard that women poop sometimes during the delivery, is it true?"

"It depends on the woman; usually don't tell them though…are you worried that you'll poop?" Meredith grins sheepishly as Addison chuckles.

"How about this; if you poop, I'll make sure you never know,"

"Can you do that?"

"I'm head of neonatal; plus, we usually don't tell moms if they've pooped on the table. The nurse just scoops it up and gets rid of it," Addison places a hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"Is that the only thing you're worried about, Meredith?"

"I don't wanna bother you with my concerns; you're supposed to be enjoying being back in Seattle,"

"And I am; but I wouldn't mind taking time out to talk to my kids' stepmother about childbirth," Meredith's eyes widen in surprise; Addison's never really acknowledged Meredith's role in her children's lives other than being their father's girlfriend.

"You, wouldn't?"

"Meredith, we're not the same people we were when we met 5 years ago. Things have changed; Derek and I have moved on, he's happy and I'm…getting there. What I'm trying to say is that while I may not be your OB, I'm more than willing to answer any questions you may have during your pregnancy."

"Wow. LA really has changed you," Meredith laughs.

"It has; I'm a better person because of it,"

3 Months Ago

 _She isn't sure how but, Addison was finally able to get Carson to leave Derek's side and now, they're back in the conference room waiting until the threat is over. Silence fills the room as Addison sits next to Ryan, absently running a hand through his hair. Carson still isn't speaking to her; she's in a corner on the other side of the room rocking back and forth. Naomi and April Kepner have been having a quiet conversation near the door. Addison's unsure of how long they're in the conference room before there's someone at the door. She holds Ryan tightly to her chest until she notices that there's a SWAT cop in the room._

" _It's okay, you're safe," the officer is nice as he extends a hand to help Addison stand up. She breathes a sigh of relief when they're able to leave the conference room._

" _Have you seen Dr. Shepherd? Have you heard anything about his condition? H_ _e's_ _my dad_ _and h_ _e_ _got shot_ _," Carson has bypassed Addison and is speaking directly to the cops._

" _We don't know Dr. Shepherd's status Miss but-"_

" _He's fine, Derek is fine," Everyone looks up at the sound of Meredith's voice, but Addison is more concerned with the pained look in her eyes and the way she's holding her stomach._

" _Meredith! Meredith, are you okay?" Addison is rushing towards her, immediately concerned about the baby._

" _Addison, I'm-"_

" _No, Meredith…you're bleeding," Meredith looks up at Addison in fear before promptly collapsing into her arms._

" _I need a gurney over here, now! Meredith, stay with me, okay?"_

 _oOoOo_

 _By the time she comes to, Meredith is on an exam table as Addison smiles at her._

" _Welcome back,"_

" _What happened? Where's Derek!" Meredith is trying to sit up, though Addison gently pushes her back onto the exam table._

" _Meredith, you passed out; I did an exam and it looks like the baby's fine. But you need to take it easy now that you're pregnant,"_

" _I will…thanks,"_

" _No, I should really thank you; I heard the police talking about how you and Cristina saved Derek,"_

" _Have you seen him yet?" Meredith tries sitting up again, though Addison is quick to assist her._

" _No, but I'm going to…do you wanna come with me? I'm sure he'd be happy to see you," Meredith shakes her head and protectively rests her hand against her stomach._

" _No, no, Derek should see you, Carson and Ryan first," Meredith gives Addison a weak smile before lying back on the exam table._

" _I'll come up in a few minutes."_

" _Meredith, are you sure-"_

" _It's fine Addison, go; Derek wants to see you all," Addison gives Meredith one last apprehensive look before quietly leaving the room._

 _Meredith laid back and sighed heavily; what she wasn't telling Addison was that Derek didn't want to see her. Okay, so it wasn't exactly like that but she would've thought that she'd be the first person he wanted to see. After all, she and Cristina did save him. Meredith closed her eyes, rubbing soothing circles on her belly._

 _At least their child was okay._

 _oOoOo_

 _Addison sighed heavily as she left the exam room where Meredith was. She was relieved that Derek was alive, but Meredith should've wanted to see him too. Maybe she was still shaken up about what happened. She shook her head; she had to think about her kids. She looked up at the sound of Ryan calling her name. She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt his arms wrap around her waist. She was even more surprised when Carson hugged her; she was sure she'd never speak to her again._

" _Honey, it's okay; your father's okay," Carson nodded mutely as Addison whispered soft reassurances to them._

 _She looks up when she feels Mark's hand on her shoulder; he looks just as terrified as she feels._

" _He's okay Mark, Cristina and Meredith saved him…Kevin was supposed to-"_

" _Alex Karev got shot," The news is enough to make Carson's eyes widen in fear and shock._

" _Oh my god! Is he okay? Please tell me he didn't die?!"_

" _No, Lexie and I saved him; he's over at Seattle Presbyterian. Altman got to him just in time,"_

" _That's, that's good," Addison nods._

" _Have you seen him yet?"_

" _No, the nurses said he's still under so we're waiting,"_

" _Have you called Mrs. Shepherd?"_

" _No, but I know I should; she's his mother. I should probably call Nancy, and Kathleen and…god, Amelia's going to freak out."_

" _Don't worry about calling anyone; I'll call them. Just focus on the kids and making sure that Derek's okay," Carson is still holding onto her mother when she asks,_

" _Mom, is Meredith, is she okay? Because I accidentally hit her in the stomach while we-"_

" _You hit Meredith in the stomach?"_

" _I didn't mean to mom! Is she okay? Is, is the baby okay?"_

" _Wait, Meredith's pregnant?" Mark's eyes widen in shock as he looks at Addison._

" _Yes to both of you; yes the baby's okay and yes, Mark, Meredith's pregnant,"_

" _Are you sure mom? Because she was-"_

" _I checked Meredith out myself, she's okay; they're both okay honey, I promise." Addison leans forward to press a kiss to Carson's hair just as Cristina lets them know that Derek's anesthesia is starting to wear off._

" _Has Meredith-"_

" _She saw him when he first came out of surgery. Derek really wants to see you and the kids," Cristina tells her._

" _Go, I'll call his mother; Derek needs to see his family," Mark tells her as they make their way down the hall towards Derek's room._

 _5 Hours Earlier_

 _Derek's vision was weak as he watched Addison pull Carson away from him. He allowed his body to sink further into the floor as Gary Clarke hovered over him, his gun still pointed. However, he noticed him look over the railing. Thank God, Seattle's SWAT team had arrived. He gave Derek one angry glance before running away. Once he was gone, Derek let out a shaky breath. He was more than certain that he was going to meet the same fate as his father. He looked up at the sky, ready to welcome death. However, just as he was about to take his last breath, he felt a strong pair of arms lifting him up and placing him on something soft. What was happening? Why wasn't he dying and, was that Meredith's voice he was hearing?_

" _Hang on Derek, hang on!"_

 _He opened his eyes for a brief second and realized that he was on a gurney as it raced down the hallway of the hospital with Meredith, Cristina and Owen Hunt running alongside it. He gave Meredith a weak smile as she gave his hand a squeeze._

" _Derek, stay with me, okay? You're gonna be fine," She told him as the doors to an OR swung open. Inside was a team of surgeons and nurses prepped and ready to save his life._

" _Meredith…"_

" _Shh. You're gonna be fine Derek; we're gonna take care of you," There was nothing more for him to say because the surgical team was already cutting his shirt from his body, pumping him with anesthesia that put him to sleep._

 _When he woke, his mouth felt as though it was full of cotton. His head was fuzzy and his memories were hazy. Though one particular memory stuck out in his mind; his wife and daughter bidding him a tearful goodbye as he lay on the floor bleeding._

" _Mere, Mere, he's waking up!" He could hear a familiar voice off in the distance. He tried to turn his head to face the sound but his head lulled against the pillow._

" _Derek, Derek, can you hear me? Don't try and talk okay, I'm here. I'm right here," He knew that voice, it was Meredith's but the voice he really wanted to hear was Addison's, Addison's and Carson's._

" _Car…Carson, where is she?" His voice was muffled with sleep but he knew who he needed to see. He needed to see Carson._

" _She's_ _safe_ _; Addison's keeping she and Ryan safe," Meredith was pressing a kiss to his hair when he uttered his ex-wife's name._

" _Where's Addie? I need to see Addison…"He glanced up at Meredith with dreamy eyes, unable to see the hurt in them. He was unable to see how pained she was that he didn't ask about their baby. She tried to rationalize that it was because Carson had stupidly put her life in danger, but why was he asking for Addison?_

 _oOo_

 _Derek blinked slowly, once, twice, three times. He blinked until his vision became clearer, and what he saw made him smile. Standing in the doorway was his family; Carson, Ryan, and Addison. Carson was the first to rush into the room, though she was cautious as she made her way to the bed. Derek wanted to talk, but there his mouth was dry._

" _Here," He turned his head to the side in time to see Addison walking towards him with a cup of water._

" _Careful, you just had surgery so take it easy, okay?" She moved to help him sit up before holding the straw to his lips, guiding him to take slow and gentle sips._

" _Thanks," Derek looked up at Addison with a grateful smile on his face before beckoning his children closer._

" _I'm so glad you all are alright," Derek said as tears began to fill his eyes._

" _We're glad you're okay, daddy," Carson said as she gave his hand a squeeze._

" _I wouldn't have been if it weren't for you, Carson. You saved my life today," Carson shook her head._

" _No, if anything I put you in danger. If I had just-"_

" _If you hadn't done anything, your father could've…you saved this hospital honey," Addison said as she gave her daughter's shoulder a squeeze._

" _But Alex got shot and Reed…"_

" _Carson, honey, look at me; what happened today wasn't your fault. You have to believe me when I tell you that it wasn't your fault," Carson looks at her father and nods._

 _She wants to believe him, wants to feel like this isn't her fault, but she sees it, the look in her mother's eyes of how foolish she'd been to tell that man to kill her. She sees it in her father's eyes as well. They think what she did was stupid, but it wasn't. None of this would have happened if she hadn't got into that stupid fight with her father. It makes perfect sense; she gets into a fight with her father, then she gets into an accident that should've killed her but then her father is almost killed by a crazed gunman._

" _I know, daddy, I know…"_

Present:

Carson Montgomery finds herself sitting in a sequestered corner of her new home. Her feet are propped up on a table as she watches the stars in the sky. She snuck off during the party to take a Xanax bar. She started feeling anxiety as more people started to filter through the house. Her anxiety really hit the roof when someone next door thought it would be a good idea to pop firecrackers. Well, it makes sense; it is, after all, the fourth of July. She shouldn't be mad at them, but she is. Her eyes are closed as she breathes in the calm feeling that her pills give her. For a few moments, she's in peace…until someone bumps the table, forcing her upright in her seat, causing her to almost topple over.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Her heart is racing as she glares around for the fool that dares fuck up her high.

"Sorry, I'm bigger than I think I am when I look in the mirror,"

"Oh, Meredith, it's you; sorry, I didn't mean to yell like that," Meredith gives Carson an easy smile as she takes a seat next to her.

"It's fine; your dad has freak outs sometimes too. I get it; what happened was pretty scary for you two," Meredith is leaning back in her seat rubbing her belly.

"I should've been the one getting shot that day, not my dad," Carson's eyes are downcast as she speaks.

"I mean, what are the odds that when I have an argument with my dad that I get into an accident and then less than 48 hours after my accident that a guy with a gun comes into the hospital and shoots my dad? If only…"

"Y'know, when my mom died, we'd had an argument; she told me that I was simple and ordinary. That same day, the ferry boat crashed in the harbor, do you remember that?"

"I heard about it; my mom was still working here when that happened"

"Well that day, I slipped, and I fell into the water. I drowned…but the truth is, I tried to drown. I was so distraught with everything that was happening at the time with your dad and your mom and I and what my mother said that I just…I blamed myself for what was going on for a long time,"

"So what you're saying is-"

"One day, you won't feel so bad about it anymore." Carson looks at Meredith with a smile.

"So, it's okay if I'm not okay?"

"No one would expect you to be okay after what happened,"

"But, one day, I won't feel so bad?"

"The shooting will always be with you, but the pain and the guilt you feel will hurt less as time passes,"

"Thanks, Meredith,"

"No problem; now, why don't we get back to the party? How about we not give your parents something else to freak out over?" Meredith stood, hoping that her stepdaughter would join her. While she didn't know exactly what was going on in Carson's head, she knew a thing about dark and twisty, and right now, the young girl was definitely feeling dark and twisty.

Carson doesn't immediately follow Meredith but instead she sits there, thinking about all what Meredith said. Meredith made it sound so easy, that the pain and guilt she was feeling would be so easy to let go of. She sighed heavily, resting her head against her chin. In her lap was the small bag of pills she'd picked up from Rick the other day. Meredith and her parents are right, she's not okay, but it's so hard to articulate her feelings to her parents. She can hear their laughter from around the corner. This is the first time in a long time that everyone has been happy. In fact, this is the happiest they've ever been since before the divorce. Sure, it's weird and complicated but, they're happy. Her family is together and they're happy; she can't ruin that happiness by telling them that she's broken.

No, she's made her decision. She can't tell them, telling them would ruin everything. Instead, she reaches down into the plastic baggie and pulls out one of the White pills. She holds it in the palm of her hands for a few moments. Rick told her to start with the light pills, the peach, blue and green ones. It's been three months already, she's ready for the White pills now. Just thinking about the shooting and talking to her parents and Meredith about it has put her anxiety at an all time high. So she decides what the hell and grabs a yellow pill as well. It won't be so bad she tells herself as she pops the pills into her mouth, quickly swallowing them down with a bottle of water. Almost immediately she can feel the difference.

Her body feels like its floating, every muscle in her body seems to relax as her lids become heavy. Oh yeah, this is wonderful; she looks at her feet, which are still propped up on the table and giggles. Oh yeah, she's stoned at this point; there's no way in hell she's gonna let her parents or Meredith see her like this, lest they give her some stupid speech about using drugs. Just because Aunt Amy ended up on drugs and crashed her dad's car around this age doesn't mean that it's gonna happen. She can stop any time she wants to…

She'll stop, tomorrow for sure; but right now, she's going to enjoy the calm that the drugs are giving her.

 _Chapter 8 to follow…_

* * *

 **Again, I'm sorry for the long wait; this chapter was really hard to write. I've been so busy with work and school and so writing has been hard as of late. I'm currently doing a re-watch of Grey's on Netflix, so that'll definitely help. I plan on wrapping this story up in 2 to three chapters. Be patient with me you guys, by the New Year, I plan on having a solid schedule so that I can get updates out sooner.**

 **Be on the lookout for Chapter 8 really soon!**

 **Xx**


	8. Chapter 8

3 Months Later

"I can't believe it, she's here; she's perfect," Derek smiles with pride as he holds the tiny pink bundle otherwise known as his daughter.

He glances back at Meredith who looks exhausted, and she must be. She just spent the last 14 hours in labor. She's almost three weeks past her due date but their OB said that she was healthy and normal. That should be enough for him, but when it comes to babies, there's only one person's opinion he trusts. Unfortunately, she's in Los Angeles visiting her friends for Thanksgiving.

"Derek, I can hear you thinking all the way from over here," Meredith gives him a tired smile.

"Am I that obvious?"

"You wanna call her, I get it, but Margret said-"

"I know, I trust her…," Derek sways the tiny child in his arms, leaning forward to press a kiss to her hair.

"I think she's gonna have your hair color,"

"Nah, she'll have your hair and your eyes; a perfect McDreamy baby,"

"She's already got your nose,"

"Let's hope that's the only thing she gets from me," The rest of their conversation is interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Hey, we're not interrupting, are we?" Callie is peaking her head into the room, Mark is close behind.

"No, you're fine," Meredith waves them in with a smile.

"I still can't believe it; you're a dad again," Mark grins at his best friend, giving him a congratulatory pat on the back.

"It's so surreal," Derek murmurs as Mark carefully lifts the baby out of his hands.

"Alright kid, it's time I give you the talk I gave your brother and sister," Mark is a natural with a baby.

"Don't give her that talk, your talks with my kids are horrible," Derek teases.

"Rule number one, always ignore your old man; he gives terrible advice and he's a cocky bastard with a god complex,"

"Mark, be nice to the baby," Callie says with a laugh.

"That was nice; I told Carson and Ryan way worse than I'm telling her. You see the pretty lady sitting next to your mom, that's your Aunt Callie, the best aunt you'll ever have,"

"Don't let Cristina hear you say that," Meredith joked.

"Rule number two, be afraid of Yang, very, very afraid. She's rigid, no sense of humor whatsoever. I know your mom's gonna make her your godmom, so be prepared for lots of dark and twisty,"

"Are you done yet?" Mark gives Derek a grin before continuing.

"You're coming into a complicated family kid; your brother and sister are way older than you, but they're gonna be the best goddamn siblings you could ever have,"

"She's only been in the world and you're already teaching her to swear," Derek teases.

"Oh come on, it's not like she'll be repeating it anytime soon,"

"20 bucks says the baby's first word is a curse word," Callie teases Meredith.

"Anywho, you're family's huge…at least on your dad's side. Though I doubt you'll ever see any of them…maybe your Aunt Amy, you'll most definitely see Amy. Nancy may surprise you and show up in town but, I doubt you'll see any of them. If we're honest, I think your old man kinda likes it that way," Mark has taken the baby over to the far corner of the room and speaks quietly to her; sharing a secret that only the two of them will share.

"I fucked up the first go round with your brother and sister; but this time kid, I won't let you down, I promise,"

Los Angeles:

"I feel like I'm floating!" Carson is a giggling mess and she and her friends stand on top of an abandoned building. She needed to get away from her mother for a few hours; she's been a nagging, overbearing, bitch since the shooting.

"That's because you're high as a kite Car," her friend Anna is laughing at her.

"I've been getting high for almost 5 months now, I know what high feels like but…this is different," She's standing on the ledge of the building now; they're not that far from her mom's practice, correction, old practice because she handed the practice over to Charlotte to run. She still owns a fair portion of the shares but, that isn't her life anymore.

"Carson, you should get down from there," Beth is sitting on an old crate trying to keep warm. It's unusually cold for this time of year but Carson loves it. It's the closest she'll get to being back in New York. It used to get this cold during fall; sometimes colder than this.

"We should all take a road trip," She suddenly announces. There are 8 of them here; Beth, Anna, Lucas, Kit, Stacey; Rick is there with his girlfriend Julia. The only reason he's there is because he supplied the booze and the pills.

"You don't even live in LA anymore Carson," Stacey takes a swig of her beer; it's cheap, but that's what you get when you go to the East side to get beer from one of the only places that's willing to sell to minors.

"Doesn't matter; I can get my mom's car and-"

"Whoa Montgomery; you think your mom's gonna let you out of her sight?" Kit is teasing her now and she knows that, but being high makes her think he's being an asshole.

"Fuck you Kit; your mother would be up your ass too if you told a strange man to shoot you," Nobody says a word for a few moments; they're not sure whether or not they should. Beth has always told them that talking about what happened isn't a good thing…at least not to Carson's face it isn't.

"…You're right, though, she is being a bitch. And it's getting on my nerves like, I wasn't the only one who was there. My little brother's 11 and she's not all over his ass like she is mine. I mean, the only reason we're even in LA for Thanksgiving is because she couldn't stand being around my dad while his wife, girlfriend, whatever you wanna call her, is having a baby,"

"But I thought you liked Meredith?" Beth is the only one allowed to talk because she totally gets Carson's fucked up family situation.

"I mean I do but, do ya ever get over finding your dad's mistresses panties in his coat pocket? Lite me up, would ya?" She leans forward so that Lucas can light her joint.

"But I thought your mom cheated on your dad with his best friend?" Everyone's eyes slowly travel toward Rick when he blurts this question out.

"I mean, she's venting; are we not gonna pretend that we didn't google her after the accident? I'll be real if the rest of these losers won't," There's something about Rick that makes Carson shiver on the inside, but in a good way.

"Carson, I'm sorry, we-"

"No, it's okay Beth; I mean, who didn't google me after what happened? I'm just glad someone's deciding to be honest about it. Oh come on, did you guys think I wouldn't know that you've been talking about me behind my back?" Carson takes a pull of her joint holding her breath for a few seconds before letting the smoke blow out.

"So…we can talk about what happened?" Julia has been quiet for most of their little gathering; she's had her eyes on Carson though.

"Sure, why the fuck not?" She motions for Beth to hand her a beer.

But what no one is counting on, is for four policemen to open the door that leads to the rooftop.

"Freeze! Everyone get your hands in the air, right now!"

Well, this is interesting.

oOo

It's her first Thanksgiving without Kevin. Sure, she and Kevin weren't married but, she misses him. She's definitely enjoyed seeing everyone from the practice but, she's desperate to get back to the hustle, bustle, and order that is her life in Seattle. She's standing outside on her (or rather Amelia's) back deck, a glass of wine in her hand as she watches the waves crash against one another. The sky is completely pitch black, though the lights from neighboring houses as well as the moon, cast a beautiful reflection into the ocean waters.

"Hey, you okay?" She turns around and finds Pete staring back at her. She beckons him closer with a smile.

"How ya holding up?"

"I'm…is it wrong that while I loved Kevin I don't think-"

"You two would've been great together?" Pete gives Addison an easy smile before nodding.

"Yeah, that; y'know? I told him that if we made it out of the shooting that we'd get married? Thinking about it now, it just sounds so…stupid. I mean, I liked Kevin, maybe even loved him a little but, I don't think I was ready to be married again,"

"Then why'd you say yes?"

"I don't know; I guess…being in Seattle again after Carson's accident and having Kevin there and Derek and Mark not knowing that I was dating someone…"

"Ah, so this is about the plastics guy?" Addison blushes when she thinks about how Pete and Mark didn't exactly get along when he came to visit last year.

"No, it's not Mark…it's Derek. I should've been over whether or not he'd be offended or angry about me moving on I mean, he's post it married to Meredith and she's having his baby, right now, as we speak!" Pete doesn't say anything for a few moments, he just stands there taking small sips of his beer.

"Pete, I thought you were coming out here to ask me how I feel! Not stand there and be pensive!"

"You still love your ex-husband,"

"I do not-"

"Addison, I've known you for a while; and I like to think that, as your friend, I know you well enough to know when you're avoiding or stalling or, totally in denial about your feelings,"

"How do you-"

"Did you or did you not kiss your ex-husband not once but twice during the shooting?" Addison's mouth drops open and her eyes get wide as saucers.

"Who-"

"I overheard Naomi and Violet talking about it after Nae came back," Pete shrugs lazily, but doesn't fail to give Addison a knowing smirk.

"Wipe that smug look off your face Pete Wilder,"

"Oh come on, just admit it Addison: you're still in love with your-"

"Shh! Alright yes, fine; I may still have…feelings for my ex-husband. But isn't that normal? I mean, you still love Anna, right? Even after all that happened between you two, you still love her, don't you?" Pete sighs heavily but nods.

"I do; it's been years since Anna died and I still love her,"

"See,"

"What you've got going on isn't the same; you still love Derek in that 'I-wanna-get-back-together' type way."

"You're ridiculous," Addison scoffs.

"Alright then, tell me how you managed to kiss your ex-husband twice in a day?"

"I…you're right; this is so fucked up! I thought I was over him!?" Addison groans, running a hand through her hair.

"It's like that sometimes; I thought for a while I was over Anna but then it just…"

"Hit you out of nowhere huh?"

"Hey, it's okay to not be over your ex. You two were together what-"

"Married for 13, together for about 16,"

"That's a long time to spend with someone, and you've got two kids together,"

"It is but…Derek and I weren't happy for years before that and then there was everything with Meredith and Mark. We've been divorced for almost 3 years now, I should-"

"Addison, think about what you just said; you don't just get over someone in 3 years. You two have way too much history for you to be over it so quickly," Addison rolls her eyes in annoyance at Pete.

"I hate you for being right,"

"No you don't; hey, it's okay if you're not over him. Chances are if he kissed you back, he's not over you either," Pete gives her a knowing look.

"Yeah, well, he's gonna have to get over me because…hold on a sec Pete. This is Doctor Montgomery? Yes, this is her mother; I'm sorry officer, you must be mistaken because my daughter doesn't…oh, I see. Well, thank you for calling me, I'll be down to pick her up in just a few," Pete instantly notices the change in Addison's mood and reaches out to place a hand on her shoulder.

"Is everything okay, Addison?"

"Uh no; that was a cop that used to work with Kevin. Apparently, my daughter was arrested for trespassing, underage drinking, and drug use. I told him he had to be wrong because there's no way Carson would do that but, he said she was with a group of kids and she looked pretty high,"

"That doesn't sound like Carson,"

"I know; which is why I'm going to pick her up from a nearby Starbucks. He said he didn't cart her in with the rest of the kids because of Kevin…"

"Now you're starting to feel guilty because of what you said earlier, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Addison hangs her head in shame as thoughts and feelings of guilt swarm through her mind.

"Listen, your secret's safe with me; how you feel about Kevin is completely your business. I won't say a word, I promise," Addison smiles at Pete before giving him a peck on the cheek and leaving to go get Carson.

oOo

She's sitting in Starbucks with James, one of Kevin's friends. She's lucky; he spotted her and pulled her off to the side before calling her mother.

"So, how'd you end up with those kids?" James is leaning back in his chair drinking a latte.

"We were just…messing around, that's all," Carson can't look at him; she remembers James from a few get-togethers at the house. Looking at him will only make her think about Kevin, and she doesn't wanna do that.

"There was weed, alcohol, and Xanax bars. Plus, we've arrested a few of those kids more than a time or two,"

"Really?"

"Yeah, especially that Rick kid; he's notorious for selling prescription drugs to kids," Carson stares at her hands. She'd heard from a few kids at her old school that Rick was bad news but, she'd never seen it for herself

There's not much time for her to talk, because soon, her mother is rushing into the Starbucks, frantically looking around for her until James motions for her to come towards their table.

"Carson, thank God! What the hell were you thinking?! Drinking, and trespassing, and doing drugs!?" Her mom is still ranting; Carson's too high to care.

"Carson Danielle, are you even listening to me!?"

"Addison, Carson didn't mean any harm by what happened tonight. I think she was just…being 17, that's all." Addison looks over at James and sighs heavily before rolling her eyes.

"Thank you, James, for looking out for her. This could've been so much worse. This could've been so much worse Carson, what if it wasn't James who saw you? You could've-"

"Jesus mom, I get it; it was a dumb and stupid thing to do. Now can we drop it, please?"

"No, we cannot 'drop it'; as of this moment you're grounded,"

"What?! You can't be serious!?"

"I am; no cell phone, no TV, no internet, no laptop, no going out with friends, no friends over, and you're driving privileges are revoked, one month," Carson's eyes widen in shock; her mother's never really disciplined her before. She's never been a bad kid to warrant such punishments.

"But mom…"

"One month and I don't tell your father about this; that's the last thing he needs to worry about right now," Carson sighs; while her father's heart has been perfectly fine since the shooting, Teddy advised him to stay away from stress. Learning that his kid got caught getting high, trespassing on private property, and doing drugs…yeah, that'd most definitely stress him out.

"Fine, but I have to drive I have school,"

"Only to school; afterwards, you come straight to the hospital and you sit in my office until I'm finished for the day. Is that understood?" Her mother doesn't seem to be in the mood to argue nor does she seem happy to be dishing out this type of punishment, especially to Carson.

"Fine," Carson lets out a huff of air before grabbing her bag off of the floor.

"Thanks again James, and I'm really sorry about all of this," James stands with them as well; he's still on the clock so he has to report back to his station.

"It's fine; but Addison, go easy on her, okay? She's been through a lot. In fact, I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries with this but, I think she should see somebody; y'know, like a therapist. It wouldn't hurt you to see one either," Addison gives James another kind smile before reaching out to hug him. Carson can't quite make out what she's saying to him but it seems polite and innocent enough.

While her mom is exchanging pleasantries with James, she sneaks off to the bathroom. Luckily, the bathroom is only big enough for one person and the door locks. She quickly reaches into her bag and grabs her cell phone. Shit, four missed calls from Beth, a few texts from Anna, and there's a number she doesn't recognize off the bat.

 _Hey, it's me; you didn't get into too much trouble, did you?_

There's another text that follows; one that makes her heart flutter.

 _It's Rick btw; I sorta stole your number out of Jessica's phone when she came and bailed us all out. Lemme know if ur okay._

There's a knock on the door that scares her half to death; it's her mom, of course, wanting to see if she's okay.

"Yeah mom, I'm fine," She rolls her eyes; God, she never knew how overbearing her mother could be. Carson looks at herself in the mirror and sorta smiles. She looks…better than she has in the last 6 months. Her hair is still that dark color; she tilts her head to the side to really check herself out.

"Oh yeah, the Red is coming back for sure," she reaches into her bag and pulls out her winged liner and her lipstick.

She decides to pull her hair out of the greasy looking bun it's been in for the last few months. She hasn't bothered to really put her look together. Carson's always been a girl who's cared about her looks. Her hair has definitely gotten longer; she makes a mental note to have her mom make an appointment for her. Lastly, she digs into her bag in search of the plastic baggies that contains her drugs. Okay so, it sounds bad to refer to them as her drugs but, that's what they are. They make her feel good, they make her forget and they help her to relax.

It's the only reason she even still takes them. If she could just relax, she'd be fine; but for some reason, she can't. She goes for the pills with the lower buzz. She's smart enough to know that too many at a time can cause her to OD. She knows what that's like; she was 4 when it happened to Aunt Amy. Cupping her hands, she swallows the pills and stands there for a few moments, allowing her body to float off into that euphoric state that she loves being in. Pretty soon, her mother's incessant knocks don't even bother her as much. It takes a few minutes (maybe 15) but soon, she's making her way out of the bathroom, calm, cool, and collected. She doesn't miss the strange stare her mother gives her, but she's on top of the world, what's the worst that could happen?

 _Part III to follow…_

* * *

 **I think this is a good place to end this installment. It's longer than part I but still significantly shorter than the final installment will be. I'm so excited to start working on the third and final installment of the FOW series. There's some pretty serious stuff that's going to happen in the third installment. I've got a few shocks and surprises up my sleeve and I can't wait for you all to read them in the upcoming installment. Thank you all so, so much for reading!**

 **Xx**


End file.
